Friday 24 July 2015
Monday 27 October 2014
LOVE another LeVeL
Hate Story
1
“Tring Tring”.. The phone rang. It hasn’t just stopped ringing for the last few days. Piyali was too very exhausted to pick up the phone every 5 minutes and listen to heartfelt condolences/burst of tears. So she let the phone ring its own merry way and came out of her room. This was the 1st Time in the last 3 days that she had managed to keep her feet outside her own room. She stepped slowly, somehow dragging her fatigued body towards her mom’s room. Mom had just kept herself shut the last 3 days, since the incident. None had been able to make her talk. Even when her own sister grabbed her yesterday and shrieked “Cry Roona Cry! Diya is No more”, Mom glared at her. Aunt refrained back with an utter shock at the look in her eyes. Piyali couldn’t see her mom this way. She had to do something. She slowly crept towards Didi’s room.
A flashback of memories made Piya stumble on her way to Diya’s room. She stopped. Stopped as she happened to see clearly the morning 3 days ago. It was 8 ‘o clock and Didi was not opening the door. Quiet unusual for someone who got up at the break of dawn regularly. Somehow Dad, after repeated bursts on the door managed to crack through it just to find DIDI HANGING from the ceiling! Piya simply couldn’t take the scene! She fainted right out. Even when Didi was taken for her cremation she dared not step out of the darkest corner of her room!
Piya slowly stepped into Didi’s room. Immediately a feeling of emptiness grasped her. The question that has haunted her every moment, every microsecond, she has been in her senses.. is “WHY”? Why did Didi do this?? And after thinking for 3 straight days Piya has decide that she has to solve this.. SHE HAS TO! This is the motive with which Piya has crept into Didi’s room today for a clue! For a minor clue.. that would give her the slightest scope to find the reason behind this unbelievable incident..
“Will not return tonight. Don’t wait for me!”
4
Tring Tring!!
3 Days later, at the mental hospital
From that day onward, 1 could hear patient no,842 screaming aloud “ don’t want the pleasure, 4give me.. relieve me….
The Girl Who Lived
When the Anesthesia wore out, nausea took over.
Consciousness leached in excruciatingly as I turned over and vomited. My lips burnt. So did my throat. I could feel the tightness of the surgical plaster over my right elbow, forehead and right leg. My eyelids felt heavy, and I knew there was a bad cut over one of them. I tried opening my eyes and suppressed the reprising nausea.
The fire hardly glimmered. It cast only the faintest illumination now. The evening was late, very late, but Roland and Jethro would stay up into the deepest hours. Neither would be able to sleep if they both lay down, and neither would be able to stay awake if they took it in turns to watch, and so they both remained up: glazy eyed, half conscious, but ready. Around their small clearing, the impermeable forest held its shadows. Roland stretched out an arm, his gauntlet and mail tinkling slightly, and grabbed a handful of twigs. He cast them onto the fire, and it dimly flared in acknowledgement of the offering. Its warmth did not seem to reach him. He felt cold, colder than he had ever felt. This was the darkest place he had been in all his searching. He wouldn’t be surprised if it was the end of him, just as it had been the end of the Edgar.
Her heart might’ve stopped, but Aishani continued to live.
‘It will be twilight soon,’ Jethro said from the other side of the fire. His voice was hoarse, and dry. He’d swaddled a filthy cloak around his shoulders, but he was still shivering. The futile light made his face almost skull-like, the sockets like basins filled with midnight ichor.
‘It will be twilight soon,’ Jethro said from the other side of the fire. His voice was hoarse, and dry. He’d swaddled a filthy cloak around his shoulders, but he was still shivering. The futile light made his face almost skull-like, the sockets like basins filled with midnight ichor.
Roland nodded. ‘You should sleep. I’ll keep watch.’
Jethro shook his head. ‘You know I won’t be able to. Besides, what if you fall asleep when it comes?’
The thought made Roland shudder. Yes, it was coming. It was always coming. It had chased him over boundaries and borders and countries and continents. And it never stopped. At first, it had been merely the inkling of a presence at his back, of something dogging his steps, but then it had come closer. It attacked his dreams. In reality, he was sometimes sure he had seen it, not absolutely of course, but indefinitely, slinking through shade as though born of it, and as formlessly terrifying as God. It always had eyes on him.
‘I won’t fall asleep. I am too afraid.’
His eyes stung painfully, but he was so used to the sensation he blinked it away. His aching limbs lay at odd angles as he was slouched by the fire, almost like the splayed contortion of a dead man. But his head was awake. It had to be. To dream was to allow it to come.
The two set off wearily in the pale half-light, its glow only feebly reaching them through the canopies of intertwined boughs. The dark lustre of the forest seemed an obstacle to all that shone. Tired, aching, stretched, they walked for what felt like hours, the light never increasing, only appearing to change colour until it grew from purple into a red so deep it looked like unnatural blood.
His eyes stung painfully, but he was so used to the sensation he blinked it away. His aching limbs lay at odd angles as he was slouched by the fire, almost like the splayed contortion of a dead man. But his head was awake. It had to be. To dream was to allow it to come.
Roland looked up to see that Jethro was looking at him intently. The grey hairs of his beard caught the dim light. He had not been grey when they had embarked on this journey.
‘Have you ever wondered where this thing came from?’
Roland looked at him. ‘It comes from hell.’
‘Then how did it get out? And why is it following you?’
Roland was silent. Jethro shrugged and stared into the fire. There was a drawn quiet between them.
‘It started just after Belinda died,’ Roland said, suddenly. He wondered why he had never told Jethro this before. His friend nodded, as if he had already known the answer.
‘Have you ever wondered whether it was just, well, a dream?’
Roland sat up, sharply, a snarl coming to his lips. Jethro regarded him calmly: his brown eyes each capturing a glimmer of the flame.
‘And Edgar? That was just my imagination was it?’
Jethro considered. ‘Things that we dream can become reality sometimes.’
‘So I’m responsible for this? For his death?’
‘It is your demon, Roland.’
He sat back, and turned away from him and the flame to look out into the folds of darkness. Somewhere, out there, he knew the creature was hunting for him. ‘I don’t think the demon is mine. I think it is a guardian.’
‘Of what?’
‘We seek something that no one is permitted to possess. Perhaps the creature was sent to stop us?’
Jethro pursed his lips as he was wont to do when thinking. He scratched the grey stubble and frowned. ‘You are the only one that dreams of it.’
Roland sighed. ‘Get some sleep, Jethro. I shall keep the light,’ he said.
Jethro nodded and lay himself down on his side, his ramshackle armour creaking and groaning. He placed his head on a sordid wrapped cloth, and closed his eyes. Roland could tell by the shallowness of his breath that he was not asleep. The fear was too vivid and too deep for that. He watched him for a few moments: the colours of the flame, the dun silver of his armour, and the surrounding shades of tenebrous foliage all melting into one dizzying haze of strange colour. Things started to fall away. The crackle of the flame grew eerily quiet. He felt his head loll back. As it did so: briefly – just briefly – amidst the blur, a part of the shadow of the forest seemed to move.
Roland blinked rapidly and pulled himself upright. He reached into his pouch and drew out a knife. He lay it across his palm with the sharp edge pressed to his skin and positioned his elbow on it. If he started to slip, the pain would wake him.
When Roland roused Jethro in the twilight hours, his hand left a mark of blood on his pauldrons.
They had learned to travel in the twilight after Edgar. It was in the liminal place between day and night and night and day when the demon came. If they were on the move during these times, then they could stay ahead of it.
The two set off wearily in the pale half-light, its glow only feebly reaching them through the canopies of intertwined boughs. The dark lustre of the forest seemed an obstacle to all that shone. Tired, aching, stretched, they walked for what felt like hours, the light never increasing, only appearing to change colour until it grew from purple into a red so deep it looked like unnatural blood.
Then they saw it.
‘What is that?’ Jethro said, squinting.
‘The end,’ Roland replied. He looked hard through the tangles and nets of blackened branches, and saw its walls beyond. Through the shroud of the canopy, he could see it reaching into the sky.
They pushed through, their bodies drenched and clammy, and their armour dirtied from the clinging tendrils of vine and branch, finally breaching into a clearing. Now they could see it clearly.
It was a tower. Surprisingly small, and wide, but impressing upon them both in a way that no mountainous structure ever could have. It was onyx, blacker than anything they had seen, and devoid of windows or of any mark or design across its surface, save for a single door.
‘Is this it?’ Jethro breathed: eyes wide.
‘It must be,’ Roland said.
The door swung open silently, as if the tower itself was holding a gargantuan breath, bated with expectation. Inside, a staircase curled upwards. Roland drew his great-sword from his back, as did Jethro. The sound of their metal boots against the hard rock seemed deafening. Roland felt as though he was defiling something, his filthy armour noisome in a holy place.
The door closed stealthily behind them, sealing out what little light there had been so that they were cast in an absolute blackness. Roland felt his leg trembling beneath him as he placed a first, tentative foot on the stair. He let out a long exhalation. For a moment, he could not summon the courage to ascend. He remained with one foot on the stair, daunted, staring up into impossible shadow above, like a starless sky only amplified.
The door closed stealthily behind them, sealing out what little light there had been so that they were cast in an absolute blackness. Roland felt his leg trembling beneath him as he placed a first, tentative foot on the stair. He let out a long exhalation. For a moment, he could not summon the courage to ascend. He remained with one foot on the stair, daunted, staring up into impossible shadow above, like a starless sky only amplified.
‘What is it?’
‘Nothing,’ Roland said, swallowing a lump in his throat. He began to climb. The clanking of his plate-mail rebounded irritatingly, adding to his feeling of intrusion. He clutched his sword tighter than he had ever grasped it, and yet the calloused flesh on his fingers meant he hardly felt it. So many years, so many hardships, so much suffering: all for this one end. His mouth was dry.
He reached the top and came out into a circular chamber. In its centre lay a basin filled with an oily liquid across which a small, tiny flicker of fire danced. Despite how small it was, the flame was jubilant, writhing, twisting and contorting faster and more violently than any fire he had ever seen, and yet no wind penetrated into the room.
Jethro came and stood beside him. ‘This is it?’
‘This is it,’ Roland repeated, softly, eyes transfixed on the small, vibrant glimmer in the midst of the blackness. ‘Life itself.’
Roland took a step forward, and pulled a small, glass vial out of his backpack. Without letting his skin touch the oily liquid, or the flame, he scooped up a quantity into the vial and placed a cork in it. The glass grew warm, but it didn’t melt or shatter. The flame licked at the inside harmlessly. He stood for a moment, looking at his prize. In the glow of the fire and the reflection of the glass he saw his own, haggard, worn face. How many years had it been since Belinda passed away? Ten? Twenty? But now he had finally achieved his goal. Suddenly a thought filled him that perhaps she would reject him; he would raise her in her youth, and she would see his old, beaten body and loathe him. He remained, holding up the vial, staring into its potent contents until a deep, low murmur shattered his dream. He looked up sharply.
‘What was that?’
Jethro’s face changed from one of wonderment to wide eyed panic. ‘It has found us.’
Roland wheeled around. The demon?’
Jethro nodded solemnly.
‘How can you be sure?’
‘It was only a matter of time.’
The low murmur sounded again, only this time it was more of a dark, primordial roar. The tower seemed to quake slightly, as if a massive creature was wrapping its body around its base.
‘It cannot come in here while there is light,’ Roland said, holding up the flame.
‘We do not know that. The light has held it at bay before, but we are trapped here. Sooner or later it will close the noose. We cannot wait in here forever.’
‘I have not come this far to fail!’ Roland growled.
‘You’ve given everything on this quest, Roland, everything. You’re a shadow of the man that set out on it and all because you couldn’t let go of Belinda! Christ, I must be the greatest of all fools for following you: but now I have gone far enough. Give up the flame and it may allow us to leave.’
‘You were not a fool for following, Jethro, but you are a fool now. Give up what we have spent all these years, have traveled all these miles to find, at the very moment we find it? That is the real folly. No one would have believed that we could have found the dark tower, but we did, and inside it, we have found life –’
A third, deep, knell-like roar broke Roland’s speech, and made both of them rush to the stairwell. They could see nothing but ecliptic darkness at the bottom, but Roland sensed the presence of the creature: the monster of shadow. It was coming. It was inside the tower.
‘I’m not going to sit here and wait for death!’ Jethro spat. Clasping his sword in two hands, he let out a howl so violent and piercing that Roland felt a tremor pass through his whole body at hearing it. His friend leapt down the stairs into the blackness and was swallowed by it, his screaming proclamation still reverberating around the tower as if a hundred thousand soldiers were holding in a broken stand.
Roland darted back into the chamber. It seemed to him like every injury he had ever had had been reopened, or else made sore again. His entire body ached, his finger joints clicked with arthritis, his knees clacked as he moved towards the basin, and his skin around his stomach felt red as old scars glowed.
He turned. There was a darkness at the door that even the light of the eternal fire could not penetrate or alleviate. It was solid blackness, not the absence of something, but a full, glorious destructive energy. In desperation he hurled the vial of flame towards it. It shattered and the fire burst over an invisible surface. Unearthly clamour sounded as the flame licked around a form that had previously been hidden. Roland looked on the shape of his stalker, of the demon that had followed him ever since Belinda had been taken. It licked along a weird frame that was both human and inhuman, a silhouette of seething black framed in ecstatic fire.
The shadow lurched forward. Roland sensed its triumph. It too had waited for this moment, had hungered after him for years on end: frustrated at his evasions and escapes.
In the fractional instance as it surged toward him, he knew he had a choice, and that was to die for the secret or live.
He grabbed the basin behind him and flung it headlong at the dim shape. For a moment the incandescent flame cascaded over it like an opulent shower of manna, and then a shriek split through the air, so loud that he heard the onyx tower crack down to its foundations. A spear of dazzling light fell into the chamber as a cut in the stone opened like a mouth. He ran for the stairs, the tower fracturing and rending apart.
Flinging open the door he came out just as the whole squat turret crumbled and sank into the earth, accompanied by the unholy scream of the demon within. Flames licked around the stones and then finally dissipated, leaving nothing. When the noise died, only a pile of rubble remained. The shadow had abated.
There was no sign of Jethro.
‘I have lost the secret,’ he said, to a still and eerie space. ‘I’m sorry Belinda. I’m sorry.’ He thought of Edgar, Jethro, and all those that had perished before them. Was it all for nothing? The tower lay dismantled, like a shattered tombstone. It was finished.
But the sun was shining. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he felt like its warmth was actually touching his skin. He pulled off his pauldrons and greaves and helmet, and flung them onto the rubble of the tower along with his sword. He turned. Blank walls of forestry lay all around.
But the sun was shining. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he felt like its warmth was actually touching his skin. He pulled off his pauldrons and greaves and helmet, and flung them onto the rubble of the tower along with his sword. He turned. Blank walls of forestry lay all around.
‘How can I find my way back, if I don’t know where I am?’
He looked back at the shattered remains of the tower. In the hunks of black, scarred rock, he had buried the answer to life’s greatest riddle, along with the shadow of death. Perhaps that was the answer? Bury it all.
Smiling weakly, he adjusted his backpack and set off once more. He would find his way out from under the canopies and back. He was sure.
Roland looked up at the sun. The light coming from it seemed stronger than it had ever been.
By society’s standards, the couple sitting across from me is perfect. Gracefully crossing her long legs, Mrs. Garner is a picture of generous curves and blond hair, her exactly symmetrical brow implants accentuating her sparkling purple eyes. Mr. Garner’s just as impressive, all muscle and jaw, subdermals accentuating his broad shoulders, his pants bulging where they should. The file on my desk says they’re richer than sin, he a big shot in sales and she a fashion consultant. In short, they’re everything most people want to be. They’re perfect.
By society’s standards, the couple sitting across from me is perfect. Gracefully crossing her long legs, Mrs. Garner is a picture of generous curves and blond hair, her exactly symmetrical brow implants accentuating her sparkling purple eyes. Mr. Garner’s just as impressive, all muscle and jaw, subdermals accentuating his broad shoulders, his pants bulging where they should. The file on my desk says they’re richer than sin, he a big shot in sales and she a fashion consultant. In short, they’re everything most people want to be. They’re perfect.
Except they’re in my office. Customers only come see me when there’s a problem.
“The situation is entirely unacceptable and we want to know what your company is going to do about it.” Mrs. Garner starts.
I open the file and make a show of flipping through the pages I memorized before they came in. Myparents opted for cognitive enhancement rather than physical.
“Mrs. Garner, it says here you only gave birth two weeks ago. It’s awfully early to be dissatisfied, isn’t it?”
“I didn’t give birth and no it isn’t too early. Clearly there’s been a mistake.”
I knew they’d used a surrogate but I didn’t expect her to be so open about it. It takes serious money to look like she does and it’s not surprising she’d want to protect her investment. Personally, I see nothing wrong with cosmetic surrogacy. The practice of paying a woman to carry your child simply to avoid the more unpleasant physical side effects of motherhood has been used by the affluent for decades. But since the recent string of celebrity confessions, backlash from the public has been severe.
I pull a page from the file and set it in front of her. “You and your husband chose the Hercules package, correct?”
“The supplemental DNA makes up only a fraction of your son’s genome, less than ten percent.” I try to reassure her. “And it’s necessary to get the results you want.”
I pull a page from the file and set it in front of her. “You and your husband chose the Hercules package, correct?”
“With the athletic upgrades,” Mr. Garner adds.
“Well, your child’s only two weeks old. The first signs of increased size and muscle development won’t be visible for at least a year, probably longer.”
Mrs. Garner shakes her head. “That’s not the problem.”
“Well then, what is?”
She shifts in her chair. “Is there someone else we can talk to about this?”
I force a smile. Her nervousness explains everything. Even in this day and age most white people don’t want to have this conversation with a black man.
“I’m the Director of Customer Satisfaction, Mrs. Garner. There’s nobody more qualified to address your concerns than me. Please, what exactly is the problem?”
“Our son, he’s…” she leans toward me and lowers her voice, “he’s the wrong color.”
I leave my expression blank. “The wrong color?”
Her eyes widen. “I don’t mean the wrong color. I mean a different color. I mean he doesn’t look like us. We’re both fair skinned. I burn if I’m out in the sun more than ten minutes. But our son, he’s, well-“
“He’s black.” Mr. Garner finishes for her.
“He’s not very black,” Mrs. Garner continues hurriedly. “He’s actually a lovely caramel tone. Really, he’s a beautiful baby. And we’re not saying there’s anything wrong with being…his being…darker skinned. We just don’t understand…”
“Listen,” Mr. Garner interrupts, “My family’s been up my ass as it is. For months all it’s been is ‘When’s the baby due?’ and ‘How’s the nursery coming?’ She hasn’t left the house for three months to keep the surrogate a secret from the neighbors. How’m I gonna explain a kid that doesn’t look like us? You know how people feel about genetic enhancement. We’ll be driven out of the neighborhood!”
“And how did this happen in the first place?” Mrs. Garner squawked.
“Well, some of the enhancements you wanted couldn’t be derived from either of your DNA sequences. Some of your son’s DNA came from a donor, a professional athlete of considerable skill, you’ll be happy to know. Of course, I’m not allowed to say who. You understand.”
“Donor DNA?” Mr. Garner asks.
I nod. “You can only build a machine if you have all the parts. Sometimes the parents’ DNA doesn’t give us all the raw material we need to get the results they want. When that’s the case we supplement their DNA with a donor’s.”
“So our son isn’t all ours?” Mrs. Garner looks on the edge of tears. It strikes me as an odd reaction from a woman who chose not to carry her child in order to avoid stretch marks.
“The supplemental DNA makes up only a fraction of your son’s genome, less than ten percent.” I try to reassure her. “And it’s necessary to get the results you want.”
Mr. Garner stands up and leans threateningly over the desk. “You’re saying my DNA isn’t good enough?”
“Not your DNA dear, our DNA.” Mrs. Garner lays a calming hand on her husband’s arm.
He shrugs it off. “No, you heard him. Considerable skill or not, I’m raising ten percent of some other guy’s kid!”
“Actually, Mr. Garner, the deficiencies we encountered weren’t from your genome.”
They pause and look at each other, obviously confused. “What do you mean?” Mrs. Garner asks.
“I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but the professional athlete that served as your son’s donor was female.”
Comprehension dawned on Mr. Garner’s face. “So it wasn’t my DNA that was the problem.”
“No.”
“What?” Mrs. Garner shrieks as she stands.
“Now dear,” Mr. Garner sits, taking her hand and pulling her back into her seat, “your side of the family is all short. Your mom’s shorter than your dad and he’s four inches shorter than you are.”
“Which probably explains the donor DNA we found in your genome.” I interject.
Mrs. Garner pales, her eyes wide. “What?” she asks in a whisper.
“Supplementing genomes with donor DNA has been around for decades.” I pull a brightly colored diagram out of the file and point to a portion of Mrs. Garner’s DNA map. “This portion of your genome is from a donor of Scandinavian decent, probably to supplement your height.”
“Supplementing genomes with donor DNA has been around for decades.” I pull a brightly colored diagram out of the file and point to a portion of Mrs. Garner’s DNA map. “This portion of your genome is from a donor of Scandinavian decent, probably to supplement your height.”
Mrs. Garner pales further.
“And Mr. Garner,” I reach for the file but before I can open it his hand slams it back down to the desk.
“Don’t,” he says, his eyes unfocused. “I don’t want to know.”
For a moment everything is quiet.
Finally Mrs. Garner speaks, her voice cracking slightly. “We didn’t agree to this.”
“Actually-” I try to pick up the file but Mr. Garner still has it pinned to the desk. I give a firm tug and he reluctantly lets go. “Actually, it’s all in the contract.” I flip to the paragraph disclosing the use of donor DNA. “You did read the contract?”
Mrs. Garner looks to her husband and then down at her hands.
“I had my lawyer read it,” Mr. Garner says, picking up the thick stack of papers and flipping through a few pages before settling back into his chair.
The office is silent.
After a few moments he leans forward again, “It’ll work, right? He’ll be strong and fast?”
“Our success rate for babies carried to term is over ninety percent. He’ll have a biological edge. The rest is up to training and motivation, just like everyone else.”
Mr. Garner leans back with a thoughtful expression.
“People are so against genetic enhancement.” Mrs. Garner still hasn’t looked up. “I just hope we’ve made the right decision.”
Mr. Garner scoffs, “They’re only against it because they can’t afford it.”
“It’s true,” I nod. “Almost everyone with access to GE is taking advantage of it. It’s become a necessity. You’re putting your child at a disadvantage if you don’t use it.”
“I suppose that’s true.” Mrs. Garner looks up and pats her husband’s arm. Their eyes meet, he nods, and they both stand.
I do the same, shaking their hands before escorting them out of my office. Before returning to my desk I survey the reception area.
There are three more couples waiting to see me.
They’re all perfect.
Children grow up with stories of wizards and swordsman. Even my children did — although the glamour of those stories rather died when they saw the real creatures in action. War-wizardry turned cottages and fields to dust, and swords twisted in the guts of fathers and mothers far more often than they cleaved the necks of sinister villains.
The pair who met us at the river crossing — one each, a brawny bronze-haired swordsman and his pale wisp of a wizard companion — seemed to expect a reputation of heroes from legend. When Gretya hid behind my skirts and Wimar began crying, the swordsman even looked a little hurt.
The pair who met us at the river crossing — one each, a brawny bronze-haired swordsman and his pale wisp of a wizard companion — seemed to expect a reputation of heroes from legend. When Gretya hid behind my skirts and Wimar began crying, the swordsman even looked a little hurt.
The wizard murmured something to him and he stepped back. A silver circlet gleamed in the wizard’s white-blond hair, suggesting he kept to the Covenant. That by itself wasn’t enough to let my heart beat any easier.
The last party to cross had run the ferry along its ropes to the opposite bank and then, thoughtlessly, left it there. The swordsman was tugging at the pulley to guide the raft back. He nodded to the wizard, who called,
“There’s plenty of room for all of us to board, ma’am. Or if you prefer, you and the children can cross first. We don’t mind waiting, and we have no wish to trouble you.”
He was trying to soothe me, but as my fear died down my irritation rose perversely. “You don’t wish to, eh? Then I must beg your pardon for preferring company that doesn’t upset my…charges.”
“Charges?” He examined us more closely. “Are you a sort of —”
“Trimeya Kaduran. Late of Endover, until it burned. I watch after these children — eight of them, I see you counting — because after the summer war swept through Amath there isn’t anyone else who can.”
“You’re from Amath?” the swordsman asked. His tone was unexpectedly soft.
“We’ve come that way, too,” the wizard said. “I’m Anweth n’Mansaken. My friend is Rathin Ormyer.”
“And you fought in the war, did you?” I forced the words past a tightening in my throat, part lingering fear, part anger.
“Not for long,” Rathin said. It seemed he had to force the words past a tightness of his own.
With a final pull, the ferry bumped against the sticky clay of the shoreline. I was set to march towards it when Anweth gasped aloud. Unthinkingly, I turned to him with an outstretched arm; he sounded so much like Hammet in one of his nightmares that I wanted to offer comfort.
Rathin reached him first, a supportive hand on Anweth’s shoulder — while the fingers of the other intertwined with his. Absently I noticed the gesture, and though it wasn’t hard to puzzle out what might cause such a thing to be second nature to these men, it wasn’t as if I could think much less of them.
“Premonition?” Rathin murmured.
“Yes.” Anweth blinked eyes that threatened for a moment to roll back in his head. “They’re back.”
Rathin turned to me. “If you’re going to go, get going. You’ve seen enough of this war, at least you can skip meeting the Crimson Standard.”
Rathin turned to me. “If you’re going to go, get going. You’ve seen enough of this war, at least you can skip meeting the Crimson Standard.”
My gaze flew up the trail, as if I would see coming up it the ranks of mercenaries carrying banners dipped in the blood of previous victims. Nothing, of course. Yet… “He has premonitions?”
“Yes, I do,” Anweth said, each word falling with careful precision. He seemed to be nursing a headache.
Esma had grabbed my hand at the Crimson Standard’s name, and I tried to clasp hers back reassuringly, without feeling at all reassured.
Rathin released Anweth and made one final tug on the ferry line, looking at me pointedly. I started herding the children aboard. Anweth followed, shrugging off our offers of help, then Rathin and I took the absent ferryman’s place, grasping the rope above and pulling, driving the raft over the water. It was harder work and slower going than I expected or liked. Caris and Doran, the eldest children, helped us, and Anweth joined in once he seemed to have regained some strength. Looking back at the shore, I saw mounted soldiers approaching it. Yes, there were crimson standards, waving in the breeze like washing. But no amount of washing could ever make them clean.
“What if they try to wade across?” Hammet asked me.
“Pray that they don’t,” I said. Anweth turned to me. “What would you tell him?” I whispered in reply to his look. “Go on, say it.”
Anweth released the rope and knelt before Hammet. I hadn’t expected the move, and tensed, not wanting either of these men closer to my children.
I kept pulling the line, bringing us towards the other shore where we could part as quickly as possible.
“Don’t worry,” Anweth told Hammet. “Your Aunt Trimeya is going to take care of you, and Rathin and I will handle the Crimson Standard.”
Doran looked up. “‘Aunt’s’ a term of respect in the south,” he told me. “My father’s brother moved to the merchant cities down there, would come up visiting. He’d picked up the habit, and our mother’s mother was suddenly Auntie Getra. They always…” His voice faded away. They were all dead now, except perhaps his uncle down in Calda. Maybe Doran would find him one day, have some family left.
And in the meantime, I’d be his aunt. I’ve been called worse things, by far.
“Next time, your premonitions might cut it a little less close,” Rathin grunted to Anweth as we landed.
“I’ll be sure to specify that when I next give orders to the Astet in heaven,” Anweth said drily. Then he glanced at me, perhaps expecting me to take exception to the blasphemy.
I was beginning to suspect he’d named me ‘Aunt Trimeya’ half in mockery.
“There are plenty of things I might choose to object to about you,” I said, “without even bothering with what comes out of your mouth.”
I might have landed a blow on him. He stared at me wordlessly until Rathin tapped him on the arm. “We don’t have time to spare, Anweth, Let’s let the lady go.”
“Oh, thank you,” I said. “That’s much more generous than the terms I could expect from most mercenaries. But then…” I caught myself in time.
“Then…?” Rathin gestured, inviting me to continue. But without even waiting for another word from me, he strode to the post where the end of the ferry line was tied. A stroke from his sword severed it, and the raft vanished downstream.
The Crimson Standard still waited on the other side of the river. Perhaps they didn’t want to risk such a strong current.
“No doubt you have good reasons to hate mercenaries, ma’am,” Anweth said, “but Rathin and I are feeling the war as much as you are. We regret ever being part of it. Is a little courtesy too much to ask?”
I gestured to the wilderness around us, with the most feared mercenaries in Amath just across the river. “Does this look the proper place for courtesy?”
He glanced at the children, gathered behind me.
“I’m trying to protect them,” I said, “not teach them fine manners. Though—” I stepped closer to him, continuing in a lower voice, “you’d be one to preach propriety, wouldn’t you, when your lover’s hands have roamed all over you in front of—”
“Perhaps he should have let me fall,” Anweth suggested blandly. “Or would you have caught me?”
“I simply think it’s a little rich to hear lessons on courtesy from perverts.”
I regretted the words as soon as I’d said them. They were true enough, but I should know better than to express my every opinion, especially to two strangers who, despite what they were, had been nothing but helpful. It was hardly as if the children or I would take harm—after all we had seen—from the sight of a single touch, which might even to innocent minds look innocent.
“I see I’d be wasting my breath,” Anweth said, and he turned away from me. “Yes,” he called to Rathin, “Let’s let the lady go.”
“What did you say to him?” Caris murmured to me as I led the children away.
“An irrelevant truth,” I answered wearily. Caris was one of the eldest of my children, not only in age; for a long time she’d had no choice but to accept some weaknesses in those she relied on.
The rest of the day was a long walk. We weren’t followed; perhaps Rathin and Anweth had taken a different path, or stopped to rest, or perhaps the Crimson Standard had crossed the river after all. It wasn’t any of our business anymore.
We went without a fire that evening, sitting close with blankets on our shoulders for warmth. Caris knelt beside me, Esma and Wimar falling asleep in our laps. She spoke quietly so as not to disturb them.
We went without a fire that evening, sitting close with blankets on our shoulders for warmth. Caris knelt beside me, Esma and Wimar falling asleep in our laps. She spoke quietly so as not to disturb them.
“Those men today were helpful. Even if they were ex-mercenaries. It was a…surprise, but a pleasant one.”
Her expression was impossible to read in the dark. Perhaps it was only my guilty imagination making her soft words accusing?
“They were lovers,” I said.
“That’s a large assumption to make just because two men are very easy around each other—”
“The way they touched made me suspect. When I voiced my suspicions to the wizard, he didn’t deny them.”
“Still,” Caris said, “it seems a small enough thing. If you hadn’t already disliked them for their history—”
“Why does it matter?” I hissed. “Rogues or inverts, you can’t expect me to sing their praises just because we left their company unharmed. Is it too much for me to ask honesty and decency in a person before I respect them?”
Caris was quiet a long time, Esma resting peacefully in her arms. She rubbed the child’s back, and at last she said, “When you took me in, I had nowhere else to go. I’d fled my home after soldiers burst in on us one night. They…before my family’s eyes…I thought I’d die of shame at the time, but I lived. Deep down, beneath the pain and humiliation, I was proud of that. And then my father and mother gave me a knife. They expected me to cut my wrists, to die for my lost honor. So long as I lived with them my humiliation was a lasting disgrace on my family.
“So I left. They asked too much for the sake of decency.”
“Such decency,” I said, “sounds entirely indecent.”
“It seems so clear to us, doesn’t it? It’s more important to spare others harm than to live unblemished.” Caris sighed. “The logic of my own thoughts sometimes leads me to unexpected places. Uncomfortable ones. And certainly not very honorable.”
“But what makes honor, Caris? You have strength and courage. Even if I cannot see the entire world with the same eyes you do, I know you’re worthy of the respect of anyone you meet.”
“Yet how few show it,” she murmured. She was given to introspection and sometimes melancholy, and none of my words could draw her from it now. I pressed her hand, offering comfort.
Light and sound erupted around us. Several of the children cried out. I kept a rein on my tongue, but leapt high enough to almost shake Wimar from my arms.
The wizard, Anweth, stood before me in a blaze of silver light. His voice echoed around the clearing. “Trimeya Kaduran, you must go. The Crimson Standard is following your path. We’re trying to hold them back, as long as possible—” His voice fell into a groan, pain and fear thick in the sound. His image folded over and vanished.
The wizard, Anweth, stood before me in a blaze of silver light. His voice echoed around the clearing. “Trimeya Kaduran, you must go. The Crimson Standard is following your path. We’re trying to hold them back, as long as possible—” His voice fell into a groan, pain and fear thick in the sound. His image folded over and vanished.
Caris was on her feet, Esma clinging to her skirts. I passed Wimar to her and went around the clearing, gathering the children together and soothing them, collecting my own nerves somewhere along the way.
“I know you’re tired,” I said, “but we have to start walking again. Another few miles, and we can sleep for the rest of the night.”
“With the Crimson Standard after us?” Doran asked.
I spoke to him in a low voice. “They won’t come after us tonight. They take prisoners when they can, and kill them slowly. They have—” The names caught in my throat; I shook my head sadly. “But at least the wizard sent us warning. They’ve protected us to the end.”
Yet my stomach clenched at the thought that it was far from over.
Doran closed his eyes with a deep, strengthening breath. Caris appeared beside him, already calm. She pressed Esma and Wimar to me. Her expression was composed and deliberate.
“No, Caris,” I told her before she could say a word.
“You’re right, we have to save the children. It’s what Rathin and Anweth would sacrifice themselves for. But I—I can’t—my own strain of honor won’t let me leave them unaided.”
“You couldn’t! Caris, a young woman like you in the Crimson Standard’s midst would be—”
“I know the sort of thing they might do,” she said coldly. “They have several interesting innovations for the torture of men. Did you know that?”
“I forbid you to go, Caris.” Our eyes met by starlight. She was about to refuse me. I said, “I’ll do it.”
Doran gasped, as if he could take my words from the air.
“A graying-haired woman like me would be of less interest to them,” I said, half-trying to convince myself. “And I…Caris, you are strong and honorable. Doran is kind and wise. The world needs people like you, and the children, and… Anyway, I’m only a sour person with good intentions. Much more easily spared.”
I took the purse from my belt and gave it to Caris, and wrapped my blanket around Esma’s shoulders. “I’ll follow you…if I can. Wait for me, if you will, somewhere safe. Good luck, my loves.”
I kissed each of them goodbye and, as they disappeared down the starlit road, I turned my own steps back the way we had come.
The Crimson Standard had a fire, larger than a cottage hearth, with their bloodstained banners wafting in the heated air above it. On a frame nearby, two prisoners were bound. Rathin’s wrists looked raw from struggling. Anweth hung still beside him, eyes covered by a woven leather band wrapped cruelly tight. The weaving chilled me to look at—a wizard’s blind, keeping his powers in check.
The Crimson Standard had a fire, larger than a cottage hearth, with their bloodstained banners wafting in the heated air above it. On a frame nearby, two prisoners were bound. Rathin’s wrists looked raw from struggling. Anweth hung still beside him, eyes covered by a woven leather band wrapped cruelly tight. The weaving chilled me to look at—a wizard’s blind, keeping his powers in check.
Most spells relied on words, if not also elaborate gestures, intricate symbols and arcane ingredients. A gag was enough to keep most wizards in check. But Amathan captors try to leave their playthings free to scream.
I wiped damp hands on my skirt and walked into the firelight.
Bright-eyed faces above solid red tunics turned to me, split into grins and laughter. They were surprised. It was my only advantage, that and the fact that I was pureblooded, golden-skinned and raven-haired Amathan. We had in common a superiority over any lesser people.
Rathin started when he got a good look at me, but nobody noticed and he had no reason to reveal our prior connection.
That was my part of the plan, just forming as I stood there. “I see you’ve come across the mercenary scum staining these words,” I said to the Crimson Standard. The ease with which I hit that tone of contempt did not leave me proud.
“That, and an honored matron,” said one man, gray-haired and scarred, who must be the leader of the band—until the day came when he fell in battle to be replaced by an equally ruthless successor. He seemed less than convinced of my honor, but also content to let me speak.
“A matron with no home,” I said sourly. “My village burned by marauding monsters like those two there. I’ve seen children terrorized and old men slain by their kind. These two in particular…”
“You have history.” The Standard’s leader raised his eyebrows, taken aback or perhaps amused by my venom.
“Yes,” I said. “Are you going to kill them?”
“In time,” he said easily.
“Let me help.”
The few chuckles greeting my request were warm, even approving.
“Would you like something to eat first?” one man asked.
Any reply I could make to that—I hunger only for revenge, perhaps—seemed a little overdone, so I only shook my head in stern silence. And held out my hand for a knife.
The leader took one from a block beside the fire. A butcher’s blade, thick and jagged, but with a fine sharp tip. He took my arm as if escorting a fine lady, and led me to the prisoners on the frame.
“We’ll give you one,” he said. “Do what you wish, make it as thorough as you like—or can.”
The slight against my torturing abilities I ignored. I reached again for the knife.
He let me take it, but stood studying me. “You must have noble blood,” he remarked. “The serf class seems to have lost their taste for these diversions. Has their rage burned out, I wonder? Or only their courage?”
“If it’s noble to hate, I am noble,” I said. “Will you give me the wizard?”
“If it’s noble to hate, I am noble,” I said. “Will you give me the wizard?”
The leader stepped back, letting me approach Anweth. Beside him, Rathin watched me with a blank look, as if in shock or horror.
“Do you know,” I said, slowly, sourly, “what these two are to each other? The things they do to each other?”
The leader backed away farther, out of reach. As if afraid my disgust and hatred would boil over onto everyone around me. All the Crimson Standard were watching, hardly breathing. Some smiled, but some looked wary. As if their own tenets, when spoken from my mouth soaked in rage, made them uneasy.
“There’s nothing worth sparing here,” I said, stepping very close to Anweth. I raised the blade and willed my hand to be steady.
I slashed at the wizard’s blind, severing it over his brow. The blade nicked his skin, drawing a line of blood, but even as the pain stung him so did his power. With a gasp, he seized it and unleashed it in a string of liquid words. The ropes binding him and Rathin slithered off as if in revulsion.
I caught Rathin as he stumbled free. Anweth was already standing, flinging an arm out, shouting something. An acid white glow filled my vision, like silent lightning striking the ground beside me. Now Rathin was the one holding me, guiding me through the camp even as I blinked away shadows. He must have recognized the spell and shut his eyes before it struck. The Crimson Standard, unprepared, reeled blindly around us.
Rathin found his sword leaning beside the leader’s chair. He drew it and looked around.
“No time for that,” Anweth said beside us.
Rathin followed him into the forest with a curse. I threw him a look of understanding. I wouldn’t have minded if a few of the Crimson Standard had been cut down there and then.
At a final word from Anweth, the fire swelled, tongues grabbing for the banners hanging over them. They caught, and flames raced down the standard poles. They fell, burning, catching men beneath and between them. The conflagration spread to tents, supplies, uniforms.
“Was that war magic?” I panted to Anweth as we ran away.
“No,” he said. “Just a spell for lighting fires—magnified, I admit. But I’m not a war wizard anymore.” He slowed at one point, gasping in breath. “So you…ah…”
“It would have been dishonorable to have abandoned you after the help you offered us,” I said.
“I wasn’t certain at the time that you didn’t mean it.” He touched his forehead, wincing as his fingers found the cut. I offered him a handkerchief to stanch it.
“All things considered,” I said, “you’re not a bad sort. Neither of you are.”
He studied me, and said at last, “You aren’t, either, Aunt Trimeya.”
#
We caught up with the children by dawn, and as there was only one road through the forest, we took it together. In the end we parted at Surannah, a small village sending some wagons of extra produce up along the caravan route to Sarnost’an in the mountains. The carters welcomed the presence of a friendly wizard and swordsman. Rathin seemed no less pleased.
“It’s been too long since we’ve been caravan guards,” he said.
Doran would continue south, to his uncle’s family. For the time being I would go with him, and of course the children would come with me.
Caris found Rathin and Anweth as we were bidding farewell, and asked if she could travel with them.
“Not, of course, that I’d need your permission to travel with the caravan. I’ve talked to the carters and they already welcomed me.” She tossed her head and smiled. Utterly without shame. “But to have some companions, someone to look to for assistance or advice…”
“And how could we possibly assist you?” Anweth smiled.
“Your companionship, then. At least to Sarnost’an.”
“That you can have.” Rathin grinned and offered her his hand.
Before taking it, she turned to me.
“You don’t need my permission,” I said.
“No, but I’d like it, if you would give it.”
I kissed her forehead. “I can think of no one else I’d be happier to entrust you with.”
“Thank you,” she said.
“So what are your plans for Sarnost’an?” Anweth asked her as I walked away.
“I’m not sure yet. Perhaps I’ll open a shop, settle down.”
“Marry?” In a voice so low I had to strain to hear it—and I did, I admit, eager to catch these last hints of Caris’s future—Anweth continued teasingly, “Do you expect our advice on that? Help you find the best man? Because our opinions may—”
“Not necessarily.” She laughed. “I don’t need matchmakers, even if you’d be willing to play them. And even if I did… The first time I ever fell in love was three summers ago. Her name was Isema. I was too shy to admit it at first, but now that I know…”
Perhaps she meant for me to hear. But I think not. She laughed, utterly carefree, unselfconscious.
And yet, why should she be anything else? She was among friends who loved and admired her. She knew, and she must have trusted that we all did, that she had never done anything to be ashamed of, anything but what was decent and honorable.
I do
Gopal was looking at his newlywed wife. She was tall, slim and beautiful. Her long hairs were flowing in the ground while she was picking books from the floor. He got married months back only. She was much more beautiful then what he expected his wife would be.
Gopal was an architect and a very simple and contented guy. He was staying with his friend in a small room in Pushp Vihar, New Delhi. Since his friend got married, he has started feeling very lonely. He was a very bright student, had won many scholarships and belonged to a poor family. He spent most of his Study life in hostel away from his parents and siblings. He always felt the desire of being with his family, loneliness has always been way of his life. His parents hardly used to visit him in the school hostel while other kids parents used to come to meet them very often, call them and even used to send gifts and food items. Gopal’s parent used to come to take him once a year only when it was compulsory to take the child home. Gopal always used to envy the other child’s in his class and hostel. Since childhood, there has always been a desire in his heart of having a very loving family wherein he is staying happily with his parents, sisters and brothers, everybody is happy and caring and share each other’s happiness and sorrow.
Gopal was an architect and a very simple and contented guy. He was staying with his friend in a small room in Pushp Vihar, New Delhi. Since his friend got married, he has started feeling very lonely. He was a very bright student, had won many scholarships and belonged to a poor family. He spent most of his Study life in hostel away from his parents and siblings. He always felt the desire of being with his family, loneliness has always been way of his life. His parents hardly used to visit him in the school hostel while other kids parents used to come to meet them very often, call them and even used to send gifts and food items. Gopal’s parent used to come to take him once a year only when it was compulsory to take the child home. Gopal always used to envy the other child’s in his class and hostel. Since childhood, there has always been a desire in his heart of having a very loving family wherein he is staying happily with his parents, sisters and brothers, everybody is happy and caring and share each other’s happiness and sorrow.
Time passed by, he finished his school, took the engineering entrance test of ‘West Bengal Joint’ and got a chance to study Architecture in one of the eminent college of west Bengal. His college was also known as prajapati college as it was said that almost every student have an affair. However, Gopal still could not find a love of his life in the college, blaim his simplicity and the lack of any extra money to afford girlfriend’s demands. He was good in studies and sketching and happily assisted his hostel mates completing their girlfriend’s assignments.
Gopal! hey what are you thinking, you need a cup of tea. I am very tired so I need tea badly-said Sanjana, his wife
Gopal just wake up of his thoughts-oh yes you are working a lot, wait I will make you a tea and he went to the kitchen.
He looked at his house; it was a one room barsati in the top floor with one small kitchen and a huge bathroom. The room was very very small and could hardly accommodate a small bed and had an open concrete Almirah. There was a small window alongside the bed without a door where he had put a curtain made of some old bed sheets. The paint on the wall was of the cheapest quality and the paint was coming on all hanged cloths. There was only a computer table, a computer, a small folding bed and a plastic rack in the name of the furniture.
Sanjana, Darling! The tea is ready said Gopal in a very sweet Voice.
Mere Pyare Pati, Aaj cup lene chalen (Can we go to buy some cups today, please) sighed
SanjanaTumhari bai (maid) ne Kitna Ganda rakha tha sabkuch-Main thik sudhar doongi usko, You could have at least bought a refrigerator before I came (Your maid has kept everything dirty-I will scold her) Sighed Sanjan
Darling! I wanted to buy everything as per your choice, said Gopal
While they sipped the tea, Gopal’s thoughts went back to the days he first came to Delhi. After he finished his architecture, he came to delhi with one of his classmate Somitro, a Bengali boy. Both were fast friends. They Stayed together, worked together in the same firm and shared everything until one day Soumitro fell in love with a Punjabi girl and got married. As was natural and expected, Soumitro moved out with his wife leaving behind a lonely Gopal who now used to hang out with even sabjiwalas and burgerwalas to pass his time. With time it seemed more and more difficult to leave a singular life so Gopal asked his mother to look for a bride for him.
He had said yes to almost all marriage proposals, his only criteria was a smart and working girl, but his mother insisted on a fairly good looking wife for her eldest Son and she finally agreed for Sanjana.
Gopal looked at Sanjana, she looked beautiful while brooming the floor. She was a software engineer and was working with TCS in Kolkata.
She knows all household work and she doesn’t have tantrums like other city girls. She has been in the Hostel since long, had been earning and must be having a lot of expectations regarding her husband. How come she has not complained to my below average amenities-Thought Gopal
Sanjana had come to Delhi after spending a month at her In-laws house this morning only. She was astonished to see the condition of the house Gopal was living in. Though she was told by Gopal’s friend that what she has seen is far far better as Gopal has already spent two days improving the cleanliness of the house. She didn’t had a rest and decided to make the house liveable to the extent situation permits. It had been two hours she was busy changing the bed sheet, the curtain, the utencils and cleaning the walls and the floor. Their tiny house changed considerably in two hours.
She looked at the bed. It was a very old folding bed made of pipes and board. Was bent in the middle and many other places. How I am going to sleep in this. I can’t sleep in this small bed alone forget about sharing this with Gopal she thought. Suddenly a small hand written note catched her attention. It was strategically placed in one of the side so that she couldn’t have missed it. It read “Isn’t it very romantic to sleep together in a small bed like this”. A smile came to her face and suddenly that small worn-out bed seemed most beautiful and cosy to her.
The only good thing about the place was a private open terrace. Sanjana was panting finally and went for a bath. Gopal offered to cook meal. He cooked rice and Paneer ki sabji that is what seemed to be quick and filling. The Aroma filled their nose –both were feeling very hungry. Sanjana looked fresh and beautiful in her wet hair.
She layed a chatayi (carpet made of bamboo) on the terrace and both sat to have their meal. Gopal put the first bite in sanjana’s mouth and asked –‘You must be having lot of expectations; I have nothing. Don’t you feel bad about this. You haven’t complained. You must be repenting marrying me right!’
So if I am what you are going to do about it? what you think I felt? Asked Sanjana
I think I alone cannot do anything. We both together can achieve our dreams. I have always dreamed of an understanding and caring wife and I feel I have got the same –said Gopal with smile on his face
“Hmmm! I know, you are very clever. I read your note”- Said Sanjana
“So have I got a wife of my dreams? Do you agree to be with me for rest of my life? Do you agree to be with me in my every moment of happiness and agony? Will you be there to share all my achievements and failures, all my dreams, all my aspirations” – asked Gopal
“I do! I will be there, always, with you, for you till I am alive. Don’t worry I have confidence on us-we together will achieve our dreams-why complain!” – said Sanjana
So do you accept me as your dream wife? She asked
“I do” said Gopal with a smile on his face. They hugged each other.
First love; such a big part of who I am….
First love; such a big part of who I am….
“Hi Raj, How was your vacation dude?” Ridhima inquired.
“Fabulous and how was yours?” Raj responded back.
“Quite good”
Raj and Ridhima were classmates, bench mates in high school, but strangely not friends. They always shared a very formal relation; Ridhima never liked Raj, and she often finds him insensible and weird. In fact, she proved a number of times to change her seat, but the class-teacher often refuses her, and asks her to sit next to Raj.
However, this was before vacations started, during and after that everything changed. Now the things were different; Ridhima has changed; she started to realize that, she actually admired Raj, he was the part of her life, and her day was incomplete without him being around. She was sort of missing him, his nonsense talks. At present, her feelings were under transformation; she was undergoing a change; she was getting attracted to the one she hated. She was frequently irritated by Raj, but now she was yearning to be with him.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, is what actually Ridhima was experiencing. She was new to all this; it was the first time she was in love , or she liked someone genuinely. She always wanted to be with someone, because even she wanted to kiss and romances like all other friends around her; and talk about it and her relationship.
She eagerly waited for vacations to end; she was turned on to meet Raj. She was missing their arguments and more than that, Raj. She was going crazy and wanted to be with him.
“Raj, can I speak to you for a moment, please?” Harsh requested.
“Yes! Sure” Raj responded.
“Well, can you walk little aside”
“Yes, say?”
“Raj, Hmmm…. What you feel about Ridhima?”
“Are you sure about your question, Harsh?”
“Yes, tell me?”
“Considerably, I don’t know, and in what sense are you talking?”
“See, Ridhima likes you, in fact; she loves you a lot”
“Wait, I mean this is mentally ill”
“Why Raj? She loves you”
“I don’t, maybe, if someone were in her place, I would have at least given a thought, but for her, I can’t feel anything”
“Raj, I guess you should consider before you speak, anyway, bye” Harsh cited angrily and moved.
“And so what did he say, hope he likes me…” Ridhima replied excitedly.
“Sorry, he doesn’t. Instead, he said he can’t even think about this…”
“Why…?”
“Because he feels, you are not good enough for him”
“What?”
“Yes, he said something like this, and definitely he is not the one for you”
“No, harsh, I love him. Please try to understand that. I can’t imagine my life without him”
“Ridhima, please think practically. He doesn’t even think about you”
“Then what? I keep thinking about him. I need him. I love him”
“Ridhima; you are behaving insanely.”
“I don’t care” and she rushed towards the washroom.
Harsh was confused, how to handle this, so he thought its better to leave Ridhima alone. And then that she could sort herself out. Ridhima, was heartbroken, she never imagined all this, for her Raj was the guy, and she thought Raj would reciprocate the feelings as well.
Everything was happy and beautiful, and now totally pain and agony were around. All the love Ridhima thought was around, suddenly vanished. She supposed it was better earlier, why did she ask Harsh to tell Raj about her beliefs? Today she suffers to face this ugly truth, that Raj has no spirits of passion. For the following few days, she avoided going to school, since she wasn’t sure how Raj is going to respond in one case, they confront each other, and she is supposed to sit beside him. Though it was hard, but she somehow convinced her mother about it. However, doing so was just not a solution to her problem.
Ridhima, was a strong girl, who keeps things uncomplicated and straight ahead. She decided to go, after two days of leave. She believed she will blab about this with Raj clearly and ask him what exactly he feels; Raj might have not liked Harsh approaching him about such a personal thing.
As she went into the schoolroom, there were a number of transitions she noticed. First, her seat was shifted from Raj to someone else. Second, Raj was the new class representative, so immediately he receives loads of responsibilities, which implies he might simply avoid the crap that Ridhima wants to talk about.
Not everything happens in life in a planned way, and for Ridhima, nothing was falling in place. As she settled herself at a new bench, she thought its good that her place shifted, since now she can avoid talking with Raj, and further she decided to quit this topic.
“I am good; I mean a kind of fine” Ridhima said with a sigh.
“Raj told me that you confessed something to him through Harsh”
“Yes! I did”
“Why didn’t you come near him?”
“Because I was frightened”
“Frightened of what? His reply?”
“Yes, but what difference it made, he doesn’t feel the same” and she smashed down, began sobbing.
Ridhima tried to be normal, but she was broken from within. The major trouble was; she wanted to verbalize about it with Raj, and he was unavailable. Ultimately, she called Raj during their break time.
“Ridhima how can you think all this” Raj yelled. “You are sick, what made you think this way”
“I said, I love you”
“So, what to do? I really don’t”
“Raj, please don’t do this to me”
“Go away, girl” and Raj walked off. Bad turned for the worst, whatever she thinks is good was turning out to be a failure. She started to feel shame for herself, as she has fallen in love with the person, who might never understand her passion. She wishes, if she could forget everything that is happening around, or maybe can just melt down from all this crap.
“Now let me cry; I deserve to cry, because I love the person who is so self-centered” Ridhima sobbed.
“Listen Ridhima crying is not a solution”
“Then tell me, what the solution is?”
“OK, first tell me, what happened?”
“Raj, blames me for something I didn’t do. And the class teacher punishes me for no reason”
“It’s OK, you calm down”
“No Harsh; this is not just the first time; he has been doing this for a long while”
“Ridhima, I told you so many times, he was not the one for you”
“Shut up! Harsh” and she cried louder.
Everything in life takes place for a reason; Ridhima slowly got to earn it. It was better that they split off; else Raj would have proceeded to hurt her, by letting her down. At least, today she is detached from the agony of blames and punishments that she stood for about four months. She admitted the fact; Raj can never love her the way she behaves.
“Hi, Raj” Ridhima greeted him on the final day of school during their farewell party.
“Hello!” Raj responded.
“ Can we have a picture together”
“yes sure”
(Clicked)
“Raj, I always wanted to tell you; that you are extremely special. Though years have changed me a lot; but the love for you is the same”
“Ridhima, I am sorry”
“Don’t be Raj, because I never wanted an apology, all I wanted was your presence and support”
“I am guilty, Ridhima”
“ It’s ok Raj, its life”
“You are a decent person”
“Really? It took four years to realize this? Raj my first love, made me a better person”
“Ridhima…..”
“First love; such a big part of who I am….”
THE UNANSWERED QUESTION….
“Fabulous and how was yours?” Raj responded back.
“Quite good”
Raj and Ridhima were classmates, bench mates in high school, but strangely not friends. They always shared a very formal relation; Ridhima never liked Raj, and she often finds him insensible and weird. In fact, she proved a number of times to change her seat, but the class-teacher often refuses her, and asks her to sit next to Raj.
However, this was before vacations started, during and after that everything changed. Now the things were different; Ridhima has changed; she started to realize that, she actually admired Raj, he was the part of her life, and her day was incomplete without him being around. She was sort of missing him, his nonsense talks. At present, her feelings were under transformation; she was undergoing a change; she was getting attracted to the one she hated. She was frequently irritated by Raj, but now she was yearning to be with him.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, is what actually Ridhima was experiencing. She was new to all this; it was the first time she was in love , or she liked someone genuinely. She always wanted to be with someone, because even she wanted to kiss and romances like all other friends around her; and talk about it and her relationship.
“Quite good”
Raj and Ridhima were classmates, bench mates in high school, but strangely not friends. They always shared a very formal relation; Ridhima never liked Raj, and she often finds him insensible and weird. In fact, she proved a number of times to change her seat, but the class-teacher often refuses her, and asks her to sit next to Raj.
However, this was before vacations started, during and after that everything changed. Now the things were different; Ridhima has changed; she started to realize that, she actually admired Raj, he was the part of her life, and her day was incomplete without him being around. She was sort of missing him, his nonsense talks. At present, her feelings were under transformation; she was undergoing a change; she was getting attracted to the one she hated. She was frequently irritated by Raj, but now she was yearning to be with him.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, is what actually Ridhima was experiencing. She was new to all this; it was the first time she was in love , or she liked someone genuinely. She always wanted to be with someone, because even she wanted to kiss and romances like all other friends around her; and talk about it and her relationship.
Ridhima turned into the daydreamer; she dreams about her confession of love to Raj, his acceptance, the way she is proceeding to kiss him, romance between them and all the beneficial things that she constantly learned from the people close to her. Everything around her was beautiful; she was happy about this notion called “love.” She sometimes smiles at her, looks up into the mirror and feels beautiful; she commenced to dress up in a way so that Raj becomes fond of her. She was living every second of her being in love.
She eagerly waited for vacations to end; she was turned on to meet Raj. She was missing their arguments and more than that, Raj. She was going crazy and wanted to be with him.
She eagerly waited for vacations to end; she was turned on to meet Raj. She was missing their arguments and more than that, Raj. She was going crazy and wanted to be with him.
* * *
School reopened. Days passed; Ridhima’s excitement kept building up. She set about enjoying her school more than any other spot on dry land. Even if she is unwell, she never misses a day at school. She was so much in love with him, that just to have a conversation and keep him close, so that they can speak about something that interests Raj; she twisted on her involvement in cricket. She never loses a couple, so that they can discuss what went right or bad during it.
Raj scores better in studies than Ridhima, but both were mediocre. After the month, Ridhima felt restless and wanted to tell Raj. The question was, how? She was timid and scared to open up about all this to anyone, though she has observed about her feelings to one of her close friends, Namitha, who was too close to Raj. However, choosing her won’t be right since if something sounds wrong, Namitha’s friendship with Raj will also become involved. Then she took her other friend, Harsh, to approach Raj and tell him, how much she loves him. Before harsh opens up about Ridhima, she wanted to first inquire what Raj feels.
As Harsh approached Raj, the group of his friends also stood by his side, so it became little challenging for him to talk about Ridhima, since he desired to insulate him from the gang and then hash out the affair.
“Raj, can I speak to you for a moment, please?” Harsh requested.
“Yes! Sure” Raj responded.
“Well, can you walk little aside”
“Yes, say?”
“Raj, Hmmm…. What you feel about Ridhima?”
“Are you sure about your question, Harsh?”
“Yes, tell me?”
“Considerably, I don’t know, and in what sense are you talking?”
“See, Ridhima likes you, in fact; she loves you a lot”
“Wait, I mean this is mentally ill”
“Why Raj? She loves you”
“I don’t, maybe, if someone were in her place, I would have at least given a thought, but for her, I can’t feel anything”
“Raj, I guess you should consider before you speak, anyway, bye” Harsh cited angrily and moved.
“Raj, can I speak to you for a moment, please?” Harsh requested.
“Yes! Sure” Raj responded.
“Well, can you walk little aside”
“Yes, say?”
“Raj, Hmmm…. What you feel about Ridhima?”
“Are you sure about your question, Harsh?”
“Yes, tell me?”
“Considerably, I don’t know, and in what sense are you talking?”
“See, Ridhima likes you, in fact; she loves you a lot”
“Wait, I mean this is mentally ill”
“Why Raj? She loves you”
“I don’t, maybe, if someone were in her place, I would have at least given a thought, but for her, I can’t feel anything”
“Raj, I guess you should consider before you speak, anyway, bye” Harsh cited angrily and moved.
Harsh and Ridhima was friends ever since they have joined that school, for Harsh Ridhima was above everyone around. He loved her, like a sister. It was difficult for him to take the crap that Raj said; he was upset. Moreover, he was worried how he will explain all this to Ridhima, she was so much in love with him that this incident will break her into bits. But whatsoever, this demands to be talked about. After gathering all the courage, he finally went to Ridhima.
“Hey Ridhima, I told raj about you” Harsh said slowly.
“And so what did he say, hope he likes me…” Ridhima replied excitedly.
“Sorry, he doesn’t. Instead, he said he can’t even think about this…”
“Why…?”
“Because he feels, you are not good enough for him”
“What?”
“Yes, he said something like this, and definitely he is not the one for you”
“No, harsh, I love him. Please try to understand that. I can’t imagine my life without him”
“Ridhima, please think practically. He doesn’t even think about you”
“Then what? I keep thinking about him. I need him. I love him”
“Ridhima; you are behaving insanely.”
“I don’t care” and she rushed towards the washroom.
Harsh was confused, how to handle this, so he thought its better to leave Ridhima alone. And then that she could sort herself out. Ridhima, was heartbroken, she never imagined all this, for her Raj was the guy, and she thought Raj would reciprocate the feelings as well.
“And so what did he say, hope he likes me…” Ridhima replied excitedly.
“Sorry, he doesn’t. Instead, he said he can’t even think about this…”
“Why…?”
“Because he feels, you are not good enough for him”
“What?”
“Yes, he said something like this, and definitely he is not the one for you”
“No, harsh, I love him. Please try to understand that. I can’t imagine my life without him”
“Ridhima, please think practically. He doesn’t even think about you”
“Then what? I keep thinking about him. I need him. I love him”
“Ridhima; you are behaving insanely.”
“I don’t care” and she rushed towards the washroom.
Harsh was confused, how to handle this, so he thought its better to leave Ridhima alone. And then that she could sort herself out. Ridhima, was heartbroken, she never imagined all this, for her Raj was the guy, and she thought Raj would reciprocate the feelings as well.
* * *
Everything was happy and beautiful, and now totally pain and agony were around. All the love Ridhima thought was around, suddenly vanished. She supposed it was better earlier, why did she ask Harsh to tell Raj about her beliefs? Today she suffers to face this ugly truth, that Raj has no spirits of passion. For the following few days, she avoided going to school, since she wasn’t sure how Raj is going to respond in one case, they confront each other, and she is supposed to sit beside him. Though it was hard, but she somehow convinced her mother about it. However, doing so was just not a solution to her problem.
Ridhima, was a strong girl, who keeps things uncomplicated and straight ahead. She decided to go, after two days of leave. She believed she will blab about this with Raj clearly and ask him what exactly he feels; Raj might have not liked Harsh approaching him about such a personal thing.
As she went into the schoolroom, there were a number of transitions she noticed. First, her seat was shifted from Raj to someone else. Second, Raj was the new class representative, so immediately he receives loads of responsibilities, which implies he might simply avoid the crap that Ridhima wants to talk about.
Not everything happens in life in a planned way, and for Ridhima, nothing was falling in place. As she settled herself at a new bench, she thought its good that her place shifted, since now she can avoid talking with Raj, and further she decided to quit this topic.
Everything was happy and beautiful, and now totally pain and agony were around. All the love Ridhima thought was around, suddenly vanished. She supposed it was better earlier, why did she ask Harsh to tell Raj about her beliefs? Today she suffers to face this ugly truth, that Raj has no spirits of passion. For the following few days, she avoided going to school, since she wasn’t sure how Raj is going to respond in one case, they confront each other, and she is supposed to sit beside him. Though it was hard, but she somehow convinced her mother about it. However, doing so was just not a solution to her problem.
Ridhima, was a strong girl, who keeps things uncomplicated and straight ahead. She decided to go, after two days of leave. She believed she will blab about this with Raj clearly and ask him what exactly he feels; Raj might have not liked Harsh approaching him about such a personal thing.
As she went into the schoolroom, there were a number of transitions she noticed. First, her seat was shifted from Raj to someone else. Second, Raj was the new class representative, so immediately he receives loads of responsibilities, which implies he might simply avoid the crap that Ridhima wants to talk about.
Not everything happens in life in a planned way, and for Ridhima, nothing was falling in place. As she settled herself at a new bench, she thought its good that her place shifted, since now she can avoid talking with Raj, and further she decided to quit this topic.
“Hey, Ridhima, how are you” enquired Namitha.
“I am good; I mean a kind of fine” Ridhima said with a sigh.
“Raj told me that you confessed something to him through Harsh”
“Yes! I did”
“Why didn’t you come near him?”
“Because I was frightened”
“Frightened of what? His reply?”
“Yes, but what difference it made, he doesn’t feel the same” and she smashed down, began sobbing.
Ridhima tried to be normal, but she was broken from within. The major trouble was; she wanted to verbalize about it with Raj, and he was unavailable. Ultimately, she called Raj during their break time.
“I am good; I mean a kind of fine” Ridhima said with a sigh.
“Raj told me that you confessed something to him through Harsh”
“Yes! I did”
“Why didn’t you come near him?”
“Because I was frightened”
“Frightened of what? His reply?”
“Yes, but what difference it made, he doesn’t feel the same” and she smashed down, began sobbing.
Ridhima tried to be normal, but she was broken from within. The major trouble was; she wanted to verbalize about it with Raj, and he was unavailable. Ultimately, she called Raj during their break time.
“Raj, I am sorry if I offend you” Ridhima apologized.
“Ridhima how can you think all this” Raj yelled. “You are sick, what made you think this way”
“I said, I love you”
“So, what to do? I really don’t”
“Raj, please don’t do this to me”
“Go away, girl” and Raj walked off. Bad turned for the worst, whatever she thinks is good was turning out to be a failure. She started to feel shame for herself, as she has fallen in love with the person, who might never understand her passion. She wishes, if she could forget everything that is happening around, or maybe can just melt down from all this crap.
“Ridhima how can you think all this” Raj yelled. “You are sick, what made you think this way”
“I said, I love you”
“So, what to do? I really don’t”
“Raj, please don’t do this to me”
“Go away, girl” and Raj walked off. Bad turned for the worst, whatever she thinks is good was turning out to be a failure. She started to feel shame for herself, as she has fallen in love with the person, who might never understand her passion. She wishes, if she could forget everything that is happening around, or maybe can just melt down from all this crap.
* * *
“Ridhima; stop crying “Harsh consoles.
“Now let me cry; I deserve to cry, because I love the person who is so self-centered” Ridhima sobbed.
“Listen Ridhima crying is not a solution”
“Then tell me, what the solution is?”
“OK, first tell me, what happened?”
“Raj, blames me for something I didn’t do. And the class teacher punishes me for no reason”
“It’s OK, you calm down”
“No Harsh; this is not just the first time; he has been doing this for a long while”
“Ridhima, I told you so many times, he was not the one for you”
“Shut up! Harsh” and she cried louder.
“Now let me cry; I deserve to cry, because I love the person who is so self-centered” Ridhima sobbed.
“Listen Ridhima crying is not a solution”
“Then tell me, what the solution is?”
“OK, first tell me, what happened?”
“Raj, blames me for something I didn’t do. And the class teacher punishes me for no reason”
“It’s OK, you calm down”
“No Harsh; this is not just the first time; he has been doing this for a long while”
“Ridhima, I told you so many times, he was not the one for you”
“Shut up! Harsh” and she cried louder.
Raj had powers, which he utilized to let Ridhima down. The big question was why? Probably he thought; she is trying to intrigue him. And that was so not true, she was just in love with him; she never thought, her love will cost her so much annoyance. She often recalls that all this should end, but how? Raj was in no mood to listen, she attempted a number of times to excuse him, but every time she came near, she faced dejection. Difficulties kept piling on. As the year came to an end, she bore to clear choices between subjects, and if their choices differ; Raj and Ridhima will be divided into two different classrooms. She tried to convince her mother, but eventually they got separated.
Already nothing was right in her life; and this added on. She was gone forth with no acquaintances, totally solo. Life was getting messed up, but she had no choice; she had to live with it.
* * *
For Ridhima, it was a new start. New acquaintances, new themes, new responsibilities and a great deal of work that kept her engaged. All that Raj had; the attitude of the class representative, is what she delivers. She is so happy and determined. Her self confidence went to build up; she was again given birth from the ashes of love. Though everything kept her busy; but it definitely can’t hold her away from the man she loved. Early in the morning; taking an excuse, she gets to see Raj in the previous classroom, by doing this, she was happy.
She never talked to Raj, once they were switched to different classrooms, though everyday she admires him from a distance. She understood, there was nothing left to talk about. Since Raj will never understand how and what she feels; and every time she tries, it gives more pain to her. Not everyone in the world is sane; people respond and act differently. Probably, Raj didn’t realize what he was serving. Perhaps, he was tempted by his acquaintances.
Everything in life takes place for a reason; Ridhima slowly got to earn it. It was better that they split off; else Raj would have proceeded to hurt her, by letting her down. At least, today she is detached from the agony of blames and punishments that she stood for about four months. She admitted the fact; Raj can never love her the way she behaves.
Everything in life takes place for a reason; Ridhima slowly got to earn it. It was better that they split off; else Raj would have proceeded to hurt her, by letting her down. At least, today she is detached from the agony of blames and punishments that she stood for about four months. She admitted the fact; Raj can never love her the way she behaves.
As the time passes, months changes to years, and years to four; her craziness changed to a mature outlook. She assumed her life the way it is; and was looking ahead towards her career making. That is what exactly maturity is; keeping odds aside and acting towards the better things. Raj hurt Ridhima in every possible manner; he laughed upon her, abused her, made faces at her; although she never expressed a word against him. She always said and believed, she loves Raj more than anything else in her life; it was sad for Raj he lost on her.
“Hi, Raj” Ridhima greeted him on the final day of school during their farewell party.
“Hello!” Raj responded.
“ Can we have a picture together”
“yes sure”
(Clicked)
“Raj, I always wanted to tell you; that you are extremely special. Though years have changed me a lot; but the love for you is the same”
“Ridhima, I am sorry”
“Don’t be Raj, because I never wanted an apology, all I wanted was your presence and support”
“I am guilty, Ridhima”
“ It’s ok Raj, its life”
“You are a decent person”
“Really? It took four years to realize this? Raj my first love, made me a better person”
“Ridhima…..”
“First love; such a big part of who I am….”
“Hi, Raj” Ridhima greeted him on the final day of school during their farewell party.
“Hello!” Raj responded.
“ Can we have a picture together”
“yes sure”
(Clicked)
“Raj, I always wanted to tell you; that you are extremely special. Though years have changed me a lot; but the love for you is the same”
“Ridhima, I am sorry”
“Don’t be Raj, because I never wanted an apology, all I wanted was your presence and support”
“I am guilty, Ridhima”
“ It’s ok Raj, its life”
“You are a decent person”
“Really? It took four years to realize this? Raj my first love, made me a better person”
“Ridhima…..”
“First love; such a big part of who I am….”
Ridhima finally got a prospect to convey everything she felt, though it took four years. But that is what love is all about… patience…
THE UNANSWERED QUESTION….
This story is of a girl named Arushi and a boy named Varun who fell in love in their teens ..
Arushi was in her teen, she was in class XI and Varun was her classmate and the cutest boy in the class with the cutest smile. Aarushi was a simple & sweet girl who had a crush on all the cutest guy with brain who came in her way, she believed n simple living. Arushi and Varun beng classmates became instant friends and both of them secretly had a crush on eachother but no one was ready to disclose it. One day Varun took all the courage and flushed all his feelings infront of his lady love, Arushi was very happy but she didnt wanted to say yes to him so easily, she wanted to get sure whether Varun’s intentions were right or not, she waited impatiently but her heart wanted to say him yes. Atlast Arushi said him yes, Varun hearing her “yes” jumped and shouted that “Arushi is mine”.
Of course I don’t miss you!
Dear Rae,
Picked up the pen after a long time. I’m sorry for not being able to reply faster. Overloaded with work as usual you see!
STRANGER’S LOVE
Nobody knows the future. Everything that happens in everybody life is decided by destiny and it is the destiny of Dia and Rajiv that’s why both of them are in a same mall for shopping. Dia came in mall with her sister & Rajiv came in mall with his friend. Dia always carry her diary in her bag because she thinks that nobody knows from where we get some important knowledge so we have to carry a diary and a pen and if we get some knowledgeable information just note it and keep it because you never know in which path of life we need help & then this information will help us. And in other side rajiv is a very lonely boy because he was only 5 years old when he lost his parents and after that he lost his smile he just want to spent time alone but because of the request of his friend he came in the mall he also carry one diary but in his diary he writes about himself life only.
But in this mall one terrorist fit bomb and after knowing that there is the bomb in mall the stampede will occur in the mall and during this stampede dia and rajiv both lost their diary after sometime when the bomb get defused and the crowd of the people become fewer then dia go to the manager of the mall and she ask him about diary she is in hurry, then the manager saw her two diary and both diary look exactly same so she became little confused and in hurry she choose one diary and went to home with her sister and after some time Rajiv also went to the manager and take his diary.
7½th FLOOR
G.
We are only shadows, the DNA replicas of our ancestors. Our Individual destinies are true pattern of universal symphony. But what if everything is predestined and we are merely serving our purposes? The world operates on fundamental physical laws. These laws govern the behavior of every object in the world; human behavior is no exception to that. In that regard, love is a set of extremely small quantum particles; their behavior is apparently swerved, unpredictable. Love is the randomness in a preordained system, a rather deterministic gear in a big physical machine.
1.
“Are you alright, ma’am?” a husky voice came from outside of elevator.
2.
What I said then was totally uncalled-for. Perhaps I needed to unburden myself from the affliction of my father. Anyway, despite hesitation of my mind, my slippery tongue once again intervened on my behalf,
3.
“By the way, who are you?” I couldn’t help asking him.
4.
I could hear my breathing and didn’t think I was imagining his breaths coming quicker, too. This time, though, racing pulse and pounding heart were a result of arousal rather than panic. We were just a bunch of queers, talking about death, but who would have thought that even death can unite two people? It seemed that a strange symbiosis had developed between us.
5.
If memory serves me right, we had shared the most honest and intimate conversation of my life. I was swimming in emotions and couldn’t decide which sensation to settle on. Despite being trapped in pitch-black elevator for couple of hours, in company of stranger, I felt surprisingly relaxed. He had penetrated the inner core of my being and that too with mere words.
6.
I felt a strange chill. My poor consciousness perceived that something was monstrous wrong. I felt as if I were smothered, chocked, unable to get the air. I was all sweaty, suddenly the environment had gone from comfortably warm to unbearably hot.
7.
With blinking eyes, I saw my dad, withered, his bald head propped by pillows, his pale eyes looking out at me from his bed. He was connected to an intravenous for sustenance and a morphine drip. As I went closer, I observed a dark-coated man standing there, starring at him. Yes, it was him. There was no mistaking him for anyone else. A hair on the back of my neck prickled at the sight and some small voice inside warned me.
7½.
One darkness had gone, but another still remained. Though this darkness was metaphorical, a feeling of necessity and attachment, a potentially harmful emotion. On a nearby roof top a bird took a flight, swaying away all the darkness under its tiny wings. Nothing could spoil that beautiful moment, as rosy fingered dawn cupped me in its hands and thumbed open the new day’s crack.
Gone With The Winds
One moody gloomy Tuesday night, as I was strolling back home from my office in the Kilo area of Surulere in Lagos, the tragic story of my life started. I had suddenly imbibed the habit of night crawling ever since Laura dumped me a couple of months back. I would trek home looking worn out, having already been reduced to a tape worm-like human being. I looked dejected and totally rejected.
Laura had completely messed up my entire life. She had turned me into a pun at the hands of love and left me with a broken heart. She had taken me straight into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and left me there without a boat or even a life jacket. She had taken me right to the highest point in the clouds; exhausted all the fuel in the airplane and escaped with the only parachute on board, living me hanging in the air. She had completely made a mess out of my life. Smoking like a chimney and swimming in a bowl of alcohol were all I had to show for her presence in my life. I had even completely forgotten about God and every other person around me. Nothing mattered anymore. I was moving close to hell and I didn’t care a hoot.
Jenny, I Love You!
With a bunch of beautiful pink-white-purple flowers in hand; blushing face trying hard to resist a cheerful grin; her eyes playing hide and seek with his through the white veil; slow but steady steps closer to her man who had waited long enough; she looked the most beautiful she would ever look.
The church smelled serene and so did her heart.
A Cave Story
“Come quick, the bus leaves in 2 minutes”, Tanya yelled. Karan stood beside her, grinning at their plight.
Ashish and Priya were struggling with their bags, their slender frames not able to keep up with the rest of them, and Meghna and Rajeev were trailing behind, lost in animated conversation. They managed to get on the bus alright, and their sudden unplanned trip was a huge success.
How I wasted my teenage years..
Even though it all happened one and a half years ago, it still freak me out when I think of that. I hide it well and laugh it off when people talk about it, just because I don’t want to recall it but I’m honestly terrified after that experience. Those two and a half years were the worst years of my life. I did so wrong to me. I wasted my precious teenage years. I regret it really. It made me very uncomfortable with life and I am honestly scared it that would happen again. MY EX ABUSED ME THROUGHOUT THE RELATIONSHIP.
Sometimes I get so scared that it’ll happen again, when all those memories come back. I don’t really know how to forget that awful relationship I was in. I would not just call it infatuation (people may think so, because I was too young to carry the burden of a relationship). Yes, I may call it the biggest mistake of my life, enough to waste 3-4 precious teenage years.
by Nick T. Chan
In the still moments before dawn, when all is as dark as the bottom of the sea, I turn my head from my sister and dream. In my dream, we are not conjoined. We are not fused from breast to stomach. I am not destined to cast spells until Isabella dies. Instead, I walk straight. I do not crab-scuttle with her. Alone and proud, I am with the love of my life. When I wake, I can’t remember his face. All that remains is that Isabella was alive, yet I was alone. They say the dreams of mages are prophetic, but that cannot be, because the only way I will ever be alone is if I murder Isabella.
#
Isabella is un-twinned. I restore her to full health. I am the Worm Nil and the Worm Nil is me. We are one being, carrying the guilt of the other, and we are almost Gods.
A breach warning blared from Level 10. Thirty-two minutes later and Goncalves hadn’t heard from Junior on 10 or Iglesias on 9. He reviewed the portals between his level and Level 8. Everything was secure, but the breach in Level 10 concerned him.
His communicator chimed.
“Level 6, this is Level 7 reporting,” Goncalves said.
Those damn Eastern European virus coders were good. The Green-Worm had been wrecking systems for months, but she had found a way to stop it.
Love is ALL!
Richard was standing in signal in his expensive bike , waiting for the green signal and he was very urge to reach home.
Signal changed from red to green, he was the first person to move from that place in very high speed . His speedometer reading showed 102 speed and within 5 mins, he was in front of his big bungalow with a big lawn in front of the house . Main gate was closed when he was standing outside, he was continuously horning and waiting for the watchman to open the gate.when watchman heard the sound, dropped the tea glass he was drinking and ran over to the gate to open it in hurry. Gate opened. He went straight inside and parked the bike in porch.
Front door was opened already and he went inside the house with his shoes on, he dropped his college bag on sofa and his bike key in the wooden table that was right in front of sofa.
Andrew , his cousin brother shortly called Andy by his relatives ,playing video games who was Richard uncle’s son, who is 12 yrs younger than Richard but he was too close with Richard and he used to call him” Richa” in short and Richard loved that childish accent.
Andy dropped the video game down at the moment he saw Richard, ran towards him and planted a strong kiss on his cheeks. Richard brought his head forward , his forehead touched Andy’s forehead and they were dashing each other in love.
Richard’s dad was big business man, well educated , running steel factory,Exporting spices, schools and had got 50 acres of agricultural land in his hometown Kerala and undoubtedly he was a big shot and also a genuine person. ” The combo of rich as well as genuine comes rare to a person and he was gifted with that quality”.
” Richard, back from college ? , we were waiting for u , thank god !you came little early than usual – come on Richa, get ready soon ,we are going out.”,his mother voice from kitchen.
Richard : where??? I’m tired, you and dad carry on. I’m not coming.
Mother : There is an association meeting in our colony and your dad is chief guest . Actually, I promised those association people that we come as a family and honor the function.You have to come. No excuse today.
Richard : oh god! maa,Is Andy coming with us ??
Mother : yes. He already got ready and was waiting for your arrival.
Richard pulled Andy’s cheeks playfully and said him ” I’ll get ready in 10 mins in a playful tone. You know, I’m coming only for you .”
Andy said,” I know Richa, because u love me more than anyone.”
After 20 mins , the entire family got ready and on their way to the marriage hall which was just 2 streets away from their house , they reached there in just 4 mins and parked their BMW in the parking lot.
At the time they arrived, it was 5.55 pm and they came 5 mins earlier to the association meeting. Richard’s family sat on the stage and his father was about to give a speech. The association members were not that much interested in his speech, they were only interested in 1 lakh cheque donation at the end of his speech.
Richard was so bored and was playing with Andy. It was the first time he saw her, a girl in white annarkali cotton salwar, tall, fair ,slim and so beautiful that he was not able to take his eyes off from her. She was sitting in the 2nd row with her parents , she was not listening to the speech though it was boring to hear such speeches in her age . She got up from her chair and went outside to breath fresh air . The next second, without any thought , Richard got up from his chair and chased her. She was standing in the open space ,looking out the garden . Suddenly she heard a enthusiastic voice behind her, Richard was humming his own lyrics in tune. Actually he was singing suddenly composed lyrics..
” hey angel, angel, angel , so beautiful in white salwar …
Watching flowers , plants which is less beautiful than her eyes…”
He was singing with little smile in his voice to impress her. She suddenly turned around , gave a mindless look at him . He started the conversation in hurry
Richard : Its so hot inside , so just came out for fresh air. By the way, I’m Richard ..
She again turned towards the garden symbolically saying she was not interested to talk . She was pretending that she was not interested but smiled inside.
Richard called her ” white angel ” playfully , in a second she turned at him and said in a low voice with small smile on her lips ” hey Mr. , I’m not white angle. I’m just Deepa”
Richard : oh ! DEEPA ! you got a beautiful name just like your face.
He was literally flirting with her and she also realized his flirting. They both continuously talking for 20 mins without knowing they have been talking for 20 mins.
Richard : where do you live deepa ??
Deepa : one street away from here. Indira apartments, 1st floor. What about u ?
Richard : Just 2 streets away from your place. Not very far. So we can meet up regularly.
Deepa : regularly ?? For what ?? My parents are very strict, they don’t like talking to boys.
Richard : oh ! I see … But I like taking to girls .. We are just friends right ?? What’s the problem being friends.
Deepa smiled at him, without giving answer she was about to move from that place . Before she moved, he stopped her asking for her mobile number.
Deepa : no, I don’t have mobile phone. It’s restricted in our college. So dad didn’t get me one since we are having land line connection at home”.
Before he asks landline no , in well advance she told him that -Don’t ask me for landline no, I can’t give you, my ma would suspect me talking to a boy and she never let me to take a call. She always picks the call first and give it to me if the call was from my girl friends.
Richard was not disappointed. His mind voice saying ” when it comes to love, there are thousands of ways to communicate with their lover.”
They both said their byes and parted away.
At night, before sleeping Deepa had a habit of praying and that day prayer was-
” Richard was good, funny, handsome, I think I like him god ! I’m desiring to meet him again. Please god, make us our next meeting very soon “. She ended the prayer and went to sleep dreaming about him.
The next morning, she was all day thinking about Richard in college and she was smiling on her own, rewinding the each and every word they spoke yesterday. She was impatient and waiting to see him soon. The day was ” Richard day” for her.
Evening, she got down from the college bus , while crossing the road she saw Richard standing near a big neem tree in his bike, wearing blue denim shirt and blue jeans. She thought he looked stylish. As she went near him , he started his usual pranks at her..
Richard : hey Ms. White angel! U come this way daily ??
Richard : hey Ms. White angel! U come this way daily ??
Deepa: oh ho ! So u don’t know this is the only way to my home ??
Richard: no , not at all! I just came this way to see this big neem tree. This tree is my friend you know . And one thing ,Don’t dream yourself that I came here to see you and longing to see you.
In a second,the next dialogue from Richard was ” Actually I came to see only YOU. ”
In a second,the next dialogue from Richard was ” Actually I came to see only YOU. ”
Deepa smiled at his pranks and said ,” oh my goodness! I think I like you Richard”
Richard: Deep, you think ..but I confirmed that ” I.. I… I’m in love with you”
Richard was nervous for the first time in his life and looked at her lips to move positively.
Richard was nervous for the first time in his life and looked at her lips to move positively.
she was astonished by his sudden proposal but at the same time very happy inside . She smiled and looked down, nodded her head and said in a very low tone ” same here”.
Richard face was filled with so much of joy, raised his two arms, jumped out in happiness as if he had won the one day cricket match.
So , then what ??…
Love started between them and exchanging love letters through Andy – Richard’s cousin.
Their love letters are full of love, everyday happenings, his likes, her likes, his dislike ,her dislikes, kisses, hugs,favorite foods,movie , film stars- Rajinikanth was favourite for both of them ,they talk about musics, he addressed her darling, dear, white angel,sometimes Dheep. she called him Rich, Mr.flirt, honey. one of the love letter was their meeting points: Temples, silent streets,under shady tree, parks, they set up each day ,each meeting point just to avoid suspicion.
Their love letters are full of love, everyday happenings, his likes, her likes, his dislike ,her dislikes, kisses, hugs,favorite foods,movie , film stars- Rajinikanth was favourite for both of them ,they talk about musics, he addressed her darling, dear, white angel,sometimes Dheep. she called him Rich, Mr.flirt, honey. one of the love letter was their meeting points: Temples, silent streets,under shady tree, parks, they set up each day ,each meeting point just to avoid suspicion.
The days were heaven for both of them. Within three months, they had exchanged 50 love letters and both never gets tired of writing love letters because the person who never knows how to write a letter even writes a love letter better because its the” MOST INTERISTING THINGS IN THE WORLD”. One never need to think , just the words flow from the heart.
Richard waiting for Deepa in one of the silent streets under a tree. That’s their favorite spot. Their meeting time is 5:30pm every Saturday. she came there at 5:45 pm in a light yellow kurtha and blue jeans. She was stunning as always even in simple dresses.
**Deepa**: hey Rich ! Sorry , I’m late..
**Richard**: oh! That’s not a problem . You look beautiful like an angel today..
Deepa smiles and her cheeks turned to pink . She was actually blushing and said him I love you honey.. So much… U r the world to me..
Richard touches her palm,playing with her fingers and pulled her close to him and he was romancing her in an open street..
**Deepa**: Rich ! I’m actually little worried.. What if our parents didn’t accept for our marriage? What if your mom and dad force you to marry some other girl ??
Richard, just to pull her legs said ” Then DHEEP will be my KEEP” …
Deepa in anger , though she knows he is pulling her legs said ” and u r CHEAP Mr. Richard Johnson”
**Richard**: “DHEEP…, KEEP.., CHEAP” , waaa… what a rhyming!!
They both laughed at each other and their 30 mins time was over. Again they were back to their homes.
They both laughed at each other and their 30 mins time was over. Again they were back to their homes.
Richard was in his final year B.COM and Deepa is in her 2nd year BA. English literature. Only 2 months left for Richard to complete his degree. His father forces him to go abroad for higher studies – 1 YR MBA in financial management since he was their only son and they wanted him to look after their family business.
Richard had no other option and he said Deepa about this higher studies plan of his father and she was totally upset after hearing this and cried to him this one yr separation is too long.
Richard consoled her by saying we can chat through internet. He said, every Sunday u come to the near by internet center and we can chat regularly.
After 4 months, Richard was in London for his studies and Every Sunday since Richard left Deepa used to lie her mom that she was going to her friend house for studying but she goes to the internet centre to chat with him . They both chat for 1 hr – they feel time is running so fast and they wanted to chat continuously.
Deepa completed her studies and her dad started to see alliance for her. One evening , deepa told her parents that she was in love with someone and asked them to stop seeing alliance.
It was a big shock for her parents and her mom yelled at her ,beated her with a broom stick. Deepa was crying and fell down on the floor ..
Deepa’s was middle class family .Her father works at bank as an Assistant Manager and mother was an house wife. she was the only daughter to them.
2 days later, they were inquiring about the guy’s details, caste, religion, their status. Deepa said ” He is a Christian and his father is a big business man and they live in the same colony 2 streets away from our house”. She said everything about Richard to her parents.
Again its a shock for them that the guy’s religion was Christianity and we are Hindu and also they are very rich people.
Her father went to Deepa’s room while she was sitting in the corner of the room near window, looking out aimlessly. Suddenly she felt life is hell and lost all the hope. Her father advised her to forget that guy since there is total contrast between our family and theirs. He said , this is not going to happen , just forget it and move on Deepa.
Her father went to Deepa’s room while she was sitting in the corner of the room near window, looking out aimlessly. Suddenly she felt life is hell and lost all the hope. Her father advised her to forget that guy since there is total contrast between our family and theirs. He said , this is not going to happen , just forget it and move on Deepa.
She thought in frustration and pain, ” where to move on ?? You people move on from your egos… He is my life . Without him, life is nothing for me. She closed her eyes in pain and she mantained silence and never uttered a word. Later her dad left her room in few mins.
Next 3 months , Deepa was not allowed to go anywhere alone. Her mother accompanied her all the time when she goes out. She missed her favorite Sunday internet chat for 3 months.
Richard was totally confused about Deepa’s missing and he missed Deepa’s face, smiles , her words, everything.
1 month later, Richard completed his MBA and returned to India. All his family went to airport to receive him. Richard missed Andy too. After reaching home, the first thing he did was passed a letter to her through Andy , asking her to come to the meeting point.
Andy delivered the letter when her mother was out to the temple and left Deepa alone at home.
Deepa hurried to the meeting spot. She saw Richard from distance was standing with his same bike. She walked fastly and hugged Richard and kissed him.
He gave her a wrapped gift and one box of foreign chocolates to her.She opened the gift box and surprised to see the wedding ring and she hugged him for the second time. Later she said what has happened in these 3 months and all the difficulties that her parents said no to her love and she was so depressed, no idea what to do next.
Richard said to her that” I missed you so much darling, realized that how much was I’m in love with you.. No matter what, I’m not going to leave you for anything or for anybody.”
1 week later, they both got married at register office and exchanged the rings before their friends .After marriage Richard took her to his house and courageously stood in front of his father.
His father was completely gone out of the mind after seeing them . He came near him in full anger and slapped him for not telling his love and married without their acceptance .He called girl’s family to his house and they all standing in the living room. Everyone was in total upset except Richard, Deepa and little Andy but Richard silently romancing his wife and she pushes him away with her little finger. She was very nervous and ashamed to look her mom and dad . She looked down and stood silently.
Richard’s father took a deep breath , he thought for a moment “what has happened is happened and its no use to worry now.” He said himself ” LET IT BE and be in a LET GO STATE”. He felt everything was god’s play. Later he broke the silence and said them, I can’t digest and accept this girl as my daughter-in- law, its impossible for me,10 seconds later he said” rather she is like a daughter to me “and ” NOW YOUR DAUGHTER IS MY DAUGHTER AND WE ARE FAMILY NOW “.
Everyone in the room was shocked by his words. Deepa’s parents got surprised after hearing these and they blessed their daughter and returned happily to their house.
1 week later,newly married couple is in the flight, sitting next to each other .He called her Mrs. RICHARD heartedly and also playfully, she smiled and rested her head in his arm, smiling at each other , on their way to Maldives for honeymoon.
I love rain because she loved rain!
What a magnificent weather! It has been raining since long. She liked getting drenched in rain and playing with wet soil. But, today, why am I feeling enmity with rains? Why am I shielding myself from nature? Dint I like walking in rains with her? Is it like that she is crying? Is she still despondent? I can still feel the pearls of tears coming from her charming eyes and her warm sobers are still making my breaths deep. Is she still in my mind or is she still manipulating my thoughts?
I can still feel my heart beats when she met me first and started throwing out in a frank tone as it was the first time any girl was talking with me so frankly and so carelessly.
7 years ago
“Hey! What do you think of yourself? We are your batch mates yaar. Share your problems with me. Some seniors had told me that you are frustrated searching home.” I was listening nervously and she uttered the whole lines in one go. I can not remember whether she breathed in between or not. But, yes, I can not deny that her blue dress and slightly non – conventional looks attracted my attention. I noticed that she had neither her eye – brows plucked nor any signs of make – up on face. Yet, her nose – ring was looking stunning or in fact her nose was beautifully dolled up by the nose – ring.
Slightly perplexed and restraining myself, I gave a nonchalant look.
“Oh! Sorry. You may be thinking who am I?”
“Hi, I am Rani. Your batch mate. And I guess you are Rahul.”
I nodded my head in affirmation. And suddenly she disappeared like a flash of light and I felt like waking up from a dream.
This is how I got introduced to Rani or perhaps she got herself introduced to me. I noticed that her natural smile and dimples on cheeks had something very urging appeal. I am not a guy to believe in love at first sight. But, there was something rhythmic or something unusual happened with me, this I could estimate.
I started residing with four other guys of same college. Co – accidently Rani had been in good friendly terms with one of my room–mate. And slowly, we became very good friends.
Clouds have covered the whole sky and suddenly loud thunderstorms diverted my attention. I am able to feel the sound of each and every rain drops, just as I was able to perceive the sound of her each spoken and unspoken words.
6 years ago
I don’t know, when and how, but I started feeling envy if she used to be friendly with others. I could not hold on seeing her with others and unthinkingly started behaving like a reclusive lover. But, she was like a butterfly, who never came in my hands. She was like a river, whom I could not bind within the shore. She was an independent parrot, whom I could not caged in the cage of my love.
That day, still fresh in my mind, like yesterday, she informed me that she is in love with one of my best pals. My heart shattered into billions of pieces and all my dreams came to ground. But, I somehow concealed my expressions and showed outer contentment and happiness. But, internally my throat choked and I felt like the time had stopped for me.
I could not exactly recollect my expressions. But, I was sad, in fact dismal. I never told Rani anything. I never told her about my feelings. She was not guilty. She was not at all guilty. Was she? No, she can not be. The simplicity and trust in her eyes could never be wrong. She was not to be blamed at all.
5 years ago
At 2 O’ clock, my mobile rang. I did not pick the phone. No, I was not sleeping. I was listening to my favourite sad song in her reminiscence. Instead of parting away, we were still friends. Not only friends, but very close friends. Alter ego could define our relations. She was very obstinate and used to live in fairy tales and unreal dreams and I was my usual self cool.
Again my ring tone started producing noise. I picked it up and pretending to be sleeping, I lazily said hello in a very low voice. I could not get any reply. After few seconds, some sobbing sound pierced my ear. I could not resist.
“Oh! Come on golu polu, stop weeping first. Be a good gal. What happened baby?”
“Nothing Rahul. I just want to cry in front of you.” She somehow managed to utter this sentence.
“But why? Tell me.” I hurriedly asked.
“Rahul, I think………….”
“What?”
“I feel………. I love you.”
“What……… Shut up you idiot…… I can not betray my friend.”
“Rahul, I want to know what you feel. I also can not ditch him and this is the only reason I am bearing with him. Otherwise………..”
“Please tell me what you feel?”
“Nothing. You are my sweet friend and you will be.” I lied to her.
We decided not to meet and converse again. I knew she was not happy. She was not at peace. I could estimate her loneliness from peeping through her eyes. I knew she had been undergoing pains. Still, I showed indifference towards her. Very soon, this resolution broke away. We had again started behaving like best buddies by deciding that we would remain best friends forever.
Oh! How can I forget the day when we both roamed in the whole college campus, totally drenched in rain? Her wet face was mesmerizing me. Her charismatic beauty was like a pious divine force. Cold swift breeze was sensitizing her wet figure.
4 years ago
She could not endure anymore in relationship and broke away. I was still considering her my best friend and my life had been only revolving around her. But, soon she became friendly with guys from other departments. I was more heart broken at this than before, when she got engaged. This time, I felt that she left me. In fact, she betrayed me. How could she have done so? I was unable to contemplate and move on after this incident. My trust shattered like castles of cards in a strong blow of wind. I totally ignored her, avoided her and stopped conversing with her. It was painful and unbearable as I had a habit of her.
Due to some study related project, I had to visit some places with Rani. I tried my best not to speak to her, but her chirpy nature and continuous bullaw – bullaw inadvertently attracted my thoughts. I was helpless in a local train to embrace her in my arms to protect her from some vendors in such rush. This recuperated innocent mad love again, still hidden in the depths of my heart, with same rhythmic swing and same internal bliss.
Finally, I was with her and she was with me. Yeh, she was my dream gal, my sweet gal, and my perfect gal. I could not afford to lose her. Yes, she had broken my trust. Yes, she had left me crying alone. Yes, she had ruined my cherishable moments, still she loved me madly. Yes, she was in mad love with me and I was in mad love with her.
Rain has still not stopped and is covering the whole space under its mist. Peeping through the window, I can see the wet leaves shining when light fall on them and it is creating an imagination as if millions of gold drops are dancing on the tune of love.
3 years ago
The college years had passed and I had to go to Ranchi to join job. Rani left her job and started preparing for Civil Services Examination as she had a firm desire to serve the society and humankind. Still, we used to chat. She used to advise me. I used to leg pull her. Everything was very normal, till one day when my phone rang.
I picked and as obvious it was my sweetheart. She started crying vociferously.
Oh God! How could I have done that? I made her wait for so long to talk. I dint talk to her the whole day and when at night, she called and cried, then instead of cajoling her, with great solecism, I hang up the mobile.
Instead of knowing she madly love me now and now she was mature enough to understand and respect relations, Rani had been rejected entry by my dreams and thoughts, which started imagining someone else. I don’t know who was she, but I could certainly say that the girl was not Rani.
After one or two months, Rani again called me and directly asked me, “Rahul, my parents started searching a guy for me. I want to know your stand regarding this, whether you want to marry me or not.”
“Rani, please yaar. Stop it. I don’t want to discuss all these. It is better to switch the conversation. I will not be able to ensure you about anything at this moment. You are so obstinate and arrogant. I can not stand you yaar.”
“OK.” Rani put the phone.
I don’t know why I could not stop her. I should have soothe her and make her my better half. It was not a big demand by her for loving me so intensely. Instead of asking her to get out of her fairy tales life, I should have gone to her dreams. Did I have right to spoil her dreams, merely because they were fake or imaginary?
1 year ago
Weather was good and I was looking out from window, suddenly my mobile rang. “Hrrrrrrrrr……….” An unknown number. I dint pick. Again same number.
“Hello.”
“Hello.”
Same melodious voice, same pitch, same softness and same casualness.
“Hi. How are you Rani?”
“Can we meet Rahul? I am in your town. I have joined your company last year and came here today morning only for a training.”
Initially I hesitated, but could not deny her sternly.
“Sure. Where are you staying?”
“Company’s guest house.”
“OK. Give me half an hour.”
“OK.”
We met and I could not resist gazing at her new corporate look and complimenting her. When she was coming, it seemed that a new morning of hopes has descended from the heaven for me. Nature was so silent and majestically happy.
“Rahul, my marriage has been fixed on the 26th of this month, but I can not marry someone else. I still love you and am not able to imagine my life without you. It is for sure that you will not get anyone else, who will love you, as deep as I do.”
I nodded my head, but dint utter even a single word. I hugged her and dropped at the guest house.
I can still collect the mixed feelings on her face – delighted because she met me after so many years and grieved as she was going to marry someone else. I can still remember the deepness of her eyes, which were giving painful impressions, with which she was mutely and hopefully staring at me, till I disappeared completely from her sight, breaking all her hopes and faith.
On the day of Marriage
It was raining heavily and my heart was crying like a broken piece of glass in silence. I kept on guessing, how she would be looking and what she would be carrying? I kept on sometimes looking at watch and sometimes glancing at stars. Suddenly, my mobile rang and yes it was Rani. I was disturbed and was not able to decide whether to pick or not. It went miscall. Again, phone rang. I picked.
Without waiting for me to say hello, “ Rahul, yaar I am looking stunningly good in this lehanga and bridal make up.”
“I know Rani.”
“Hey, are you missing me? See, I am feeling crying like hell.”
“Don’t cry Rani.”
“Please, don’t tell me to stop.”
“Rani, I am missing you badly and am going to miss you throughout my life.” I started sobbing in pain and the pain was internal, but it affected my whole body and I swayed in grief.
“Hey, I told you that I can not marry anyone else. I love you. You dint understand and I know you still won’t understand. But, soon you will realise. You loved me, when I was not in love with you and you left me, when I started to love you so purely and piously.”
“Rahul, I………………… Love……………….. You…………..”
She screamed with intense gloom.
“Rani…… Hello…………..Hey…………………Raniiiiiiiiii…………………”
But only the caller tune was audible. She hanged up the phone.
Without comprehending the situations, I went outside and began to roam here and there. Suddenly, did not know why a pinch of grief struck me and my fingers automatically dialed her number.
“May I talk to Rani? I am calling to congratulate her.”
The lady from other side replied, “You can never talk to her, in fact no one can ever talk to her.” She began to cry boisterously.
I could not resist but sinked there and wanted to scream with the fullest of my strength. I wanted to just tell her that how much I loved her and how much I wished to keep her happy. But, it was of no use. I saw her going away with rains and mingling with the sky. Her dream of flying in the sky in a cloudy day came true! And I was left all alone with some drops of rain felling on my face. This time, I did not clear them.
Soulmates
The scenery with love is always beautiful. But just because love is beautiful does not mean it is always happy.
Three months of love took away three years of Ian’s freedom, trust, belief in god and his beloved. Three months of bliss has given him afterlife of hell. Ian’s life seemed to be cursed whereas Jem Adriana was cursed to be blesses. If one could surely speak up anything was tat god is unfair, why is the good people that suffer after all?
Three years back, life was perfect. These new couple Ian and Jem had never known that the world when you are in love is no less than paradise., but good fortune always comes with a price, but the price that Ian had to give was too much. It was unfair, how could three months of love take away his everything? But even if he was to suffer 3 stages of hell on earth, he would not give up on Jem, not for once. He’d rather choose to be Satan’s slave than live a life without Jem. He’d rather choose to lose his life than not see Jem’s face when he woke up at his bedside. Maybe destiny awaited them long before they met. Maybe this was what people call, soulmates.
~~~
“Jem you have to sleep. You’ll get worse if you don’t. Come here sweetheart, you don’t need to be scared, it’s just me.”
It was past 1 o’clock in the morning. I had not gone to sleep. Ian had been waiting for me to come to sleep at my own will but since it was getting too late he had started coaxing me to go to sleep with his soothing voice, this voice was the only voice in the world which made me feel secure. I had been siting near the closet since 9 pm. I was fiddling with my nails, my hair, whatever came across my hand. My lower lip was almost going to bleed since I had been chewing on it so hard.
“Dear, let it go. For now please come to bed. For me.” Ian continued to sooth me. I was now staring at my nails, Ian had cut it this afternoon after bath. These short nails felt funny, I neither could scratch nor pluck anything. I started narrowing my eyes at it when I felt a warm hand take hold of my cold arms. I sat still and shut my eyes. “Please, you need to sleep, Jem.”
Whenever someone touched me, I felt like they were going to stab me. I would think that something bad would happen and my body would ache so much. Because of Ian’s warm hand I realized how cold my body was, so I slowly crawled to bed. I could see from the corner of my eye that Ian was smiling but did not utter a word. He knew I did not like to give satisfaction to anyone that I was doing as they told. I pulled my leg up on the bed, I immediately felt a warm blanket cover me up. I knew it was him. Why is he so kind to me?
The morning sun had entered our room. I slowly opened my eyes and turned towards the right. Ian was looking at me and I could see that he had already made breakfast for me which was lying on a table nearby. He smiled at me. Such a warm smile. That same smile which was full with so much hope. He had hope of me coming back. Didn’t he feel frustrated to wake up every morning with a faint hope that maybe today I’ll improve and to know that I was never coming back, to take a look at me and realize that his Jem was gone? Lost forever! Even after knowing this entire scenario how could he smile at me? From where does he get so much hope?
I was staring blankly and I had been drooling over my pillow.
“Dear, do you want to get up?” Ian asked me comfortingly, making sure he did not scare me out of the blue. That same soothing voice filled with so much love and warmth. From where does all this love come from to Ian? I could see him crawl next to me and wipe my mouth and he settled my hair. He then kissed my forehead and asked with a smile, “How are you today?” he then gently lifted me up. As his hands came in contact with me, I did not move muscle. I stared blankly with my head low as I breathe heavily.
“Forgive me for that, Jem. I will not scare you. Shall we have some breakfast?”
I calmed my breathing. The huge mirror across the room reflected how messy I was. The girl in the mirror was hopeless. She did not have anything left. The eyes reflected so much pain and agony. Crying to get out of this suffering. She wanted to be the same happy, cheerful Jem of three years back. She wished death every moment but she wanted to live. There were so many regrets that filled her face and so much pain. I was now crying but I felt nothing.
“Jem what is it? What is the matter?” that concerned voice broke my isolation. I had forgotten I was not alone in this room, only physically though. For me, no one existed around me, they meant nothing. Life had no meaning with me, I was next to nothing.
Ian was concerned, he wanted to know what was causing me to cry but how could I tell him when I myself did not know the reason why. I was just a living doll who was plain white, who had lost track of life and to add up, speaking any word from my mouth irritated me. Ian had been with me for long to know all of his questions would remain unanswered. Why is it he could not just give up? What am I to him? Does he know that I feel nothing, that I have forgotten him, forgotten who he was, forgotten what he meant to me?
It was noon. I was sitting on the cold floor of the kitchen near the refrigerator with my knees’ pulled up to my chin when Ian found me. He was concerned as ever. I knew he was scared, I felt it but he never showed it openly. He came close to me while keeping enough distance and making sure he did not make any contact. He has a plate full of brown bread, a sandwich it was. He knew his was the best I agreed to eat. He held the sandwich next to my mouth and waited for me open my mouth. I resisted for some time but I knew he would keep holding it unless I took it, even if it meant holding for an hour. My body felt heavy so I took it from him. “That’s my girl,” he said warmly.
The doctor came in again to take a look at me. His face “Jem” was lost unlike Ian because he was a doctor, not Ian.
I continued to remain silent and stare blankly while the doctor did his duty. This has continued for 3 years. After finishing with me, he spoke to Ian. Ian glanced at me and then back to the doctor. They walked out into the hallway. Ian left the door half-closed as he went.
I could hear the faint murmuring that managed to pass all the way to my ears but I did not pay any heed to it, suddenly, my attention was broken with a sudden raise in the voices.
“What is with you doctor?” Ian’s voice rose. “How many times, how many times are you going to tell me to give up on Jem? How can you tell me to let her go with such a calm face?”
“You need to be practical. Not a fool dwelling in illusions. You are a wise man and you are wiser enough to know this.”
“If believing in Jem is an illusion. If being in love with her makes me a fool. I am that fool who dwells with illusions.”
“Get a life, Ian. You have lost it!”
“Can’t you see how much Jem needs me? Everyone is the same. Everyone has let her go without even trying. They don’t have the courage to hold on to her. But I am not them, she is all I have. She is my life and I am all that she has left.”
Silence followed. The main door creaked open and closed back. I was holding myself tightly as I saw my reflection in the mirror, I could see the fear that surrounded me.
Ian walked in with his head low. For once, once in three years after being affected by depression I did something on my own. Though I was freaked out I tried my best to look calm. I slipped into the blanket and closed my eyes. Maybe today was special. I heard the bed creak as Ian climbed on carefully. I could sense him looking at me. I continued to keep my eyes closed though I was having a hard time controlling my anxiety. Did I just hear a cry?I slowly opened my eyes. Ian was sitting up. His face covered with his hands. I could see him biting his lip. He shook his head sobbed silently. He then ran his hands up his hair and tried to control his breath. I closed my eyes back. After few moments he gently kissed my forehead and whispered softly, “Jem, I shall always be there for you.”
My severe headache woke me up. It was still nightfall. My breathing quickened and my body felt like it was being twisted. It ached very badly and I was suffocating. My head was thumping hard. I looked to my right and I could see Ian sleeping. His presence made me feel so safe. His face calmed me even though my heart felt like it was being pierced.
The pain increased. I tried to shout but my voice did not come out. I tried to move with this aching body. I wanted him to wake up and sooth me and tell everything would be fine. For once, I wanted him to look at me. I wanted to see his smile desperately. I lost my strength, I was drained out. The only thing that seems to be awake was my mind. My eyes felt very heavy. My breathing stopped. My eyes were closing, his face was being covered by darkness, he blurred out and with the last strength that I could gather up, as my eyes closed and he was beyond my vision, I tried to reach out to him and whispered weakly, “I…an…” and then my life came to a halt. The pain was no longer there. I had left forever.
~~~~
Everything around me is so warm. There is light everywhere. I feel no emotions at all. I feel that finally I am at peace. There is no sound. This is the safest I have ever felt. I have no desire, no regret, no sadness nor pain. I just feel so at peace. Finally, I decide to open my eyes and there, I see him. I see Ian standing there. That same smile, that same warmth. We are surrounded with nothing and I see him there, standing and looking at me.
“So you managed to follow me up till here?” I ask and a smile escapes my lips.
“Hell or heaven, nothing can part us away,” he replies smilingly.
“Yes. Forever and always.” I hug him. He is so warm and he makes me feel the greatest. I had missed this love in the past three years. And then I tell him, “I have to tell you something.”
“What is it?”
I let out a deep breath, look into his eyes and say,
“I love you!”
SAD LOVE STORY
Sometimes love makes life and sometimes it makes life hell…. We do not see hell with our eyes hell is just our imagination and nothing else…… Hell is a place where nobody wants to live …… According to our knowledge, hell and heaven will a lot to a person after death in the light of his or her sins or good deeds but some people have to survive in hell during their lifetime…..
The hero of my story is also surviving in hell during his lifetime… Here is my story….
He entered in his university, met his friends and then saw a very beautiful girl and he continuously looking at her without blinking his eyes…. He asked his friends that who is this girl his friend told him that she is new comer here and her name is Ayesha….. He was play boy type personality and he was a bunch of girl friends but that girl makes him mad….. He left all his negative habits for her and then follow her. Girl becomes irritated when any boy comes close to the girl he starts beating him….
Finally girl stopped him and asked what’s your problem, what do you want and the boy straight forwardly said that I LOVE YOU AYESHA AND I WANT YOU IN MY LIFE AS MY LIFE PARTNER… Girl starts laughing and said try this to another girl I know your history and I know you never loves someone. Boy starts weeping and said I really love you this happens first time in my life and I am also surprised about this. Tell me how I can prove my love and sincerity towards you…
Ayesha replied: give your life but don’t irritate me and follow me. He said ok and then he go away. About two to three days she does not see that boy and then she asked his cousin that where is arsh? She told her that he is in hospital he is very serious he had an accident….. She became worried and goes to hospital to see him. He was in conscious state and asked Ayesha that are you satisfied now? Ayesha slapped him and scolds him.
Finally, he thought that he got his love and then became very happy. They spend all the time together and time was very good for both…. But bad time was also waiting for him… one day he received an mms on his phone and that mms broke him. That mms contains naked pictures of Ayesha with a boy. He did not say a single word to Ayesha and quietly facing everything. That incident was finishing him from inside.
And then he received a call that come to this address and saw your Ayesha in somebody’s arms. He reached there and saw Ayesha with a boy on bed. He shouted and told Ayesha about that mms. Ayesha asked him that she left him but can’t stay away from him and come to meet him for the last time. Arsh become angry and start weeping and get out a pistol from his pocket and said Ayesha I loved you a lot but you deceive me stay with your love and be happy forever never play with anyone’s feelings again and shoot on his temple and died………….
In love- Unsaid words or unsure state?
The cold breeze flew her hair as she was engrossed in penning down her feelings on the piece of paper. She twisted the pen in between her long slim fingers of her left hand while her right hand delicately played with her flicks. She tucked them behind her ears and again continued to write.
Her lips curved into smile and her eyes glint with shine. “Arpita love her Vaibhu” she had quoted in the little heart, which she had drawn at the bottom.
Desk’s Drawer
In this story,she is remembering after marriage ,the time which was spend with her lover in college days. Her husband comes at that time and she is happy in her present life.
In the kitchen I was busy with the preparation of lunch. At that time my mobile phone rings & on the display I saw a blue shirt person’s picture is blooming. That is my dearest husband’s call. A sweet smile take place on my face & I receive the phone.A bright voice comes from the opposite side.”Hello darling,I reached in the office”.
You ha…have bea…u.
You have beautiful blue eyes
In which I want to stay in distinguish,
Then no one can see me in your eyes
Except my & your eyes.
I want to spend with you my whole life,
If you give me the right.
You are a lovely princess with sweet smile
I want to walk with you mile & mile.
Believe me these all are not lies,
I really want to be your prince with the red rose of medium size.
I don’t know did you understand my feelings through my poem or not. But I really want to express my feelings to you. Yesterday I was shocked to see you suddenly. For the first time you were standing in front of me. I was speechless & nervous seeing you closely first time. I was not able to utter a word out of fear. Now you know that the person who disturb you daily is me. So I thought I should write my thought about you. I don’t know when I fall in love with you but I know that now you are the person whom my heart loves a lot.
Yours & only yours Ayush.
You ha…have bea…u.
You have beautiful blue eyes
In which I want to stay in distinguish,
Then no one can see me in your eyes
Except my & your eyes.
I want to spend with you my whole life,
If you give me the right.
You are a lovely princess with sweet smile
I want to walk with you mile & mile.
Believe me these all are not lies,
I really want to be your prince with the red rose of medium size.
I don’t know did you understand my feelings through my poem or not. But I really want to express my feelings to you. Yesterday I was shocked to see you suddenly. For the first time you were standing in front of me. I was speechless & nervous seeing you closely first time. I was not able to utter a word out of fear. Now you know that the person who disturb you daily is me. So I thought I should write my thought about you. I don’t know when I fall in love with you but I know that now you are the person whom my heart loves a lot.
Yours & only yours Ayush.
Storyteller
I was murdered even before my birth. A subtle kind of murder, where you die, yet you live. And all your life, you do nothing, but stimulating death.
Janaka Bhavan- a dingy orphan house often filled with exhaust from the nearby brick factories. My home of childhood.
After the catastrophic day’s work, I collapsed on my bed, never minding to switch on the lights. The rented room felt like bliss, as I longed for a good night’s sleep. The reflected rays of the streetlight fell on the walls of the room, where seven of my poems were glued. A glimpse of them was enough to remind me of our boisterous days. Our days.
I had not seen her for fourteen years. Still she keeps haunting me like a ghost.
After the catastrophic day’s work, I collapsed on my bed, never minding to switch on the lights. The rented room felt like bliss, as I longed for a good night’s sleep. The reflected rays of the streetlight fell on the walls of the room, where seven of my poems were glued. A glimpse of them was enough to remind me of our boisterous days. Our days.
I had not seen her for fourteen years. Still she keeps haunting me like a ghost.
No returns expected; because it’s love…..
I always believed in chasing dreams, especially when it’s about love. No matter how unrealistic the dream might be…
One thing I knew for certain, my efforts will pay in some way, good or bad depends. Believing in myself, I resolved to write a missive to my beloved, Omi.
Hello!
It may come to you as a surprise, I admire you. The moment I saw you, in the shooting event that was telecasted live few days back on the television. Your smile has got hold of my essence, such a refreshing it was.
Well, firstly, I would like to congratulate you on your vast success in the shooting event; I admire you as an athlete as good. What a great marksman, you are.
And lastly, wanted to allege that something has turned me on, I adore you a greatly. May be, this sound crazy, unreal and foolish, but whatsoever I now love you a lot. Hope you revert back with a letter or call, as you receive this.
Contact me here. 032******68
With all the best wishes and boons
Yours
Maya
* * *
“Hello,” I read enthusiastically.
* * *
While I was busy trading with my mess, one of my friends suggested me an alternative direction to reach Omi. She pronounced “why don’t I grab one of his allies and ask him to avail me, perchance he can direct me?”
Life is never uncomplicated, it’s always complex. And this time was the most laborious of all times for me. Probably things could have spilled more, but with the gods graze I was saved a small. Dev stopped somehow, after my much request.
I recalled the courage, and asked Dev to drop me home. He agreed, the road along which we were driving was long and quiet. The traffic was high, honking all around, even so, no talks between us. In all likelihood he was sad, that whatsoever he thought didn’t come around. And for me it was, whatever occurred should have never happened.
from it.
Hello!
It may come to you as a surprise, I admire you. The moment I saw you, in the shooting event that was telecasted live few days back on the television. Your smile has got hold of my essence, such a refreshing it was.
Well, firstly, I would like to congratulate you on your vast success in the shooting event; I admire you as an athlete as good. What a great marksman, you are.
And lastly, wanted to allege that something has turned me on, I adore you a greatly. May be, this sound crazy, unreal and foolish, but whatsoever I now love you a lot. Hope you revert back with a letter or call, as you receive this.
Contact me here. 032******68
With all the best wishes and boons
Yours
Maya
* * *
“Hello,” I read enthusiastically.
* * *
While I was busy trading with my mess, one of my friends suggested me an alternative direction to reach Omi. She pronounced “why don’t I grab one of his allies and ask him to avail me, perchance he can direct me?”
Life is never uncomplicated, it’s always complex. And this time was the most laborious of all times for me. Probably things could have spilled more, but with the gods graze I was saved a small. Dev stopped somehow, after my much request.
I recalled the courage, and asked Dev to drop me home. He agreed, the road along which we were driving was long and quiet. The traffic was high, honking all around, even so, no talks between us. In all likelihood he was sad, that whatsoever he thought didn’t come around. And for me it was, whatever occurred should have never happened.
from it.
Love has No End, Only Beginning
Today! I told myself. Today is the day, I tell her how I felt. I couldn’t seem to understand how someone in few days can become so significant part of your life, mind and body that life seems pointless just thinking about without their presence. She was like that. She would be surrounded be her friends all the time, pack of two girls and these two ugly guys. And I’ve never seen two guys grovel more, those retards will do as she pleased. Maybe I was jealous that those retards got to talk to her, be around her presence. She was a beauty, with her brown eyes, curly hair and chiseled chin.Out of the world. Every day she would reach late in class, and I would see her walk right past me. I felt like I was invisible in her eyes. I didn’t had such super powers. I didn’t even had any powers.
We were in Bachelors of Commerce in Delhi University, year of 1999. I have no idea how I got there, I wasn’t even that good with the studies, don’t get me wrong, but I was just an average student with average looks. But I loved to read and play piano, I had been practicing playing piano for more than four years by then. I remember exactly how I got into playing piano. It was my final exams of class 9th and I was listening to these cassettes for some entertainment and I came across this song called “Nostalgia” by Yanni, and it freaked me out how amazing it was, that song took over my mind for so many days. I would be in quiescence every time I heard that sound of piano. From that day, all I wanted to do was, be that guy who took over everyone’s mind with his music. I joined music lessons the day after I finished my exams. I can’t tell you how many times I practiced playing Nostalgia. My parents would enter my room all worked up in the middle of the night. Best days ever, and now I was sitting here in the back seat, hoping to catch her attention and there was nothing I could do.
Our college had a fest in the winters. I was performing. She took part in the classical dance. The day of fest, and the moment I saw her in the auditorium, my jaw dropped down to the floor and came back where it belonged. She wore a simple orange saree, with henna on her hands and feet. I really didn’t cared about who was winning the dance competition, she was already my future wife, in my mind. I stopped my practice and took the seats in the auditorium as she practiced her dance with the other dancers and the moment she started dancing. She could have challenged Madhuri Dixit and beat her just by her face. She looked stunning. Funny thing is although they were playing a classic music number. In my mind, I could hear the Beatles song “You’ve got to hide your love” but I couldn’t. I know it sounds pathetic at each and every level. But I was head over heels crazy about his women, and very few people can understand this emotion. When you look at someone and your heart skips a beat and you get the feeling, you know this person, some how from somewhere. Even if you don’t get to be with them because somehow you feel like they are too good for you. I was on that path, and nobody even knew how miserable I was.
Anyways, it was one hour to go before the show begun. Somehow, I kept myself calm. I wasn’t scared to perform on stage by the way, I had done that before. I didn’t wanted to mess it up in front of her. Her dance performance began, I was at the backstage, peaking through the side and above shoulder of some guy, and I was blown away by her dance, and that face, twice in a single day.
When my time to perform came. I was calm and relaxed, and the only thing I hoped for and looked for was her in the crowd. And all I could see was few friends and the college professors in the front row. I began with “Fur Elise” by Beethoven, it’s a classic and I slowly took a transition into “Nostalgia” by Yanni and I had my one eye on the crowd as I constantly looked for her and I couldn’t see her, but secretly I hoped she was listening.
And the crowd cheer made me so ecstatic I got lost in the Nostalgia, and when I opened my eyes, as I took a glance at the right…She was standing behind this guy, all the time. A fluttery and a strange sensation passed through my stomach, butterflies I guess and I felt for the first time in months I had her attention. She was looking at me. I closed my eyes as I went from “Nostalgia” to “My heart will go on”, from Titanic and I played it with all my heart, I played like my life depended on it. As, I was about to finish, She was staring to me, her eyes were wide open and they gleamed. She had a smile on her face, and I could never ever forget that smile. You know how they say when you die, your life flashes in front of your eyes, when that will happen, her smile would be the first thing that will flash before me. And that smile meant something, I knew it right there.
It’s been more than 12 years since we’re married. I wish I passed away before she did.
“And this is how I fell in love with your mother,” I told my daughter.
Can We Forget First Love?
My facial expression and my position of how I had seated myself on the couch clearly explained my situation of uttermost boredom to anyone by just taking a glance at me. I was in one of those stupid “get-together” that the neighbouring schools held annually. They say it’s to help us develop our social skills and to know other people more. Well, in my point of view none of this was helping me to be more social and neither had I come across anyone who shared the same view as me. Everyone was so excited like as if Bill Gates was to adopt them. I sighed.
“Would you mind making me understand why we have these ‘socials’ every year?”
I think I almost fell off the couch as those words hit my ears. I turned my head to see the face of the person who was the only human who carried the same sense as me, uh! It was a guy, his school uniform represented that he was from the school which was a mile away. His shoes was unpolished, neat tie, was wearing a half cardigan and before I had the time to observe more he cut me off by asking, “Are you enjoying this?”
I just continued to look at him, I blinked twice, and I was just mesmerized by the thought that his person belonged to the same race as me, considering to the rest of the stupid heads who were scattered all around the hall.
He patiently waited for my reply and I finally spoke, “Do I have to answer that?” I said without changing my expression.
He gave me a quick laugh and said, “Not necessarily.” There was still a tone of laughter that lingered in his answer, I gave out a “tsk!” and raised my eyebrows as I nodded my head and I could not stop noticing that on the left side of his cardigan, just below his school monogram, there was this bright object which was reflecting the lights of the hall as he moved and bore the carving “ELITE OF THE YEAR” I smiled.
We ended up exchanging some sarcastic replies and had a conversation regarding the benefits of these annual get-togethers which we both failed to understand and how also about hoe the rest of the thought of this event and yeah, not to forget, I did tell him about my Bill Gates’ joke.
“By the way, I am Heather,” he extended his hand forward. “Heather Drew.,” he added smilingly. I lost track of time for a few seconds. This was my usual reaction as I did not have the habit of shaking hands with people. Especially male.
I smiled to cover up for those few seconds that I had lost.
“And you?” he asked with a consoling tone, like he could understand my reaction.
“Oh! I am Caroline.” I smiles and extended my hand towards him.
We had a comfortable conversation. I was surprised as we shared the same view at most points, and every time it did, I smiled quietly. The night went on in its own pace after that.
“Well, it’s time to leave.” I smiled again as I said those words, “it was pleasing to meet you.” I added.
“More likely is—“thank you or passing the most dullest day”— ain’t it?” he laughed.
I laughed and replied, “Yeah! That too.”
After that night, I came across Heather on the streets quite often. Sometimes we would meet up when I used to go out to the market relating to some house chores and he would say—“Hey! Getting prepared to hit on those stupid heads with those tomatoes on the next social already?”—“Oh! Ya! Sure. How did you figure that out, elite?” I used to tease him by calling him “Elite” since he was batched as the elite student. He would deny and say that he was not elite and that his school principle had either caught up a disease or someone had manipulated him to batch Heather as the elite student.
We used to email each other sometimes. He had asked my email-ID by saying that he was collecting emails of all the people he knew to send them links of some of his programs he was working on. “Ya, elite, program links huh? Or are you just using his as an excuse to get my ID?” I had teased him. “Dude! Its no big deal and I sure as heck am asking to send links. i need people to see it. You know, advertising? Trying to get lucky and be the next Bill Gates.” He had somehow holded onto that Bill Gates joke of mine and he would mention Bill Gates in any chance he’d get. I had laughed and said- “hahaha…Chill. I know. And anyways you are not banned from messaging me, ok.” So, that’s how we had started emailing.
We had grown quite close. We did not talk a lot but somehow, I used to feel comfortable. Like he understood me. Not to forget, as got to know more about each other, we would keep having coincidence in several things. I would tell, “Hey Elite? Are you my fan or what? You keep copying me.” And he would go with the flow and say, “Oh yes Ma’m. Will you please sign for me here? Name is Heather Drew. I’m a diehard fan of yours.” We both would have a hearty laugh then.
I did talk with others a lot, I was quite social and no, it was not because of the get-together’s we had every year. It was just natural to me. I would meet people here and there and Heather was just one of them. He never failed to make me laugh when we met, most our time would pass with sarcasm.
~
Heather was the heart of many girls. Why wouldn’t he be? He was like, perfect. He was funny, he was charming, he was intelligent, he was a good guy and If a girl looked at him, they would definitely feel, “he is different. He is not like the rest.” I never quite understood thought, if he was interested in these things or not or maybe that thought never crossed me and I did not enquire about it. The atmosphere around us would mostly be light. I would get sober at times but with him around, I had to break a laugh. I was always with sarcasm and he would just follow it right up.
~
Its quite hard to pin point when my mutual friendship managed to climb up a step. Was it in one those moments when I would try to dig more into his love life because I would have been sent out on a secret mission to out about it by one of the girls who had a crush on him and he would say that he had a crush on me, just to put a stop on me for furthering anymore questions because he knew I would find it irritable and drop the investigation there? Or was it the times when would say I’m so good? The time when we played confession and he said he liked me (which I refused to believe and complain he is not playing fair) was it when I felt the needle of jealousy hit me for few minutes when he shared how he wanted to date that other girl? Frequent meets? His laughter? Jokes? Or was it the first time I shook hands with him as we introduced ourselves in that social?
I was too afraid to admit it. I always dumped this thought when it crossed my mind. Its nothing, is what I said.Music Fest. Big! That was the hot topic of the students that was being discussed in every group you would go.
_________
To: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
From: HeatherDrew14@
Sub: MUSIC FEST
“Hey! Are you attending the music fest?”
______
To: HeatherDrew14@
From: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
Sub: re+ MUSIC FEST
“I don’t know super elite. I’m busy. You?
_______
To: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
From: HeatherDrew14@
Sub: re+ MUSIC FEST
“oh! Don’t miss the big gig, dude. You might just miss BILL GATES singing 
ya, my friends pulled me in to go.”
ya, my friends pulled me in to go.”
________
To: HeatherDrew14@
From: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
Sub: BUSY
“haha very funny. OK, date girls and have fun.”
_______
My life turned catastrophic. I did not find any spare time. It was schedule one after another. I was so busy. I was working up to be a doctor, a good one.
Somehow, I managed to get time for the fest. It was a big thing; I did not want to miss it. Heather was coming, that was for sure. The thing that confused me that day was that why was I trying my best clothes. Trying my level best to look good. I felt funny for some reason and I face-palmed myself because I had no idea what was going. Anyways, no matter how stupid I felt I still ended up wearing one of my “special-occasions-only” dress. I face-palmed myself again and set out.
I saw him. Oh! I saw him. He crossed me. Oh my god, he…WAIT…W-H-A-T? What the heck? Caroline, your study-level had ruined your sanity, dude! I focused on my reality again. I was recruiting my friends and was calling them and asking them in which particular spot where we were supposed to meet up and start to enjoy the fest (you know, well, girl walk in ‘groups’, they are of the ‘group’ species.) I was talking on the phone, with my voice at its highest pitch to exceed the loud music (more appropriately I looked like I was yelling at the other person); that was when he passed by. Heather. The crowd was in a chaos and to top that, the loud music so I don’t think he noticed me, but I did. He was walking with his friends, he was walking at the other end of his ‘gang’. He was eating something, which was sticking out of his mouth, my guess is that it was a beef stick.
OK, so don’t think I am one of those crazy stalker, its just that my eyes are REALLY sharp and I tend to observe things at it utmost detail in just few seconds.
I hesitated to call out to him. Why?
“Seriously, everyone here is a dead meat. You have any idea what I went through trying to treasure-hunt you down?” I was pouring my frustrations over my ‘group’. “How could you all be so inconsiderate…” “Hey, who wants a beef stick?” cried out one of my friends and so that was how my complaints went totally ignored. Oh, well.
~
My hair which was tied up in a pony settled down. I let out a snort. My lips had curled up a bit as I bit my lower. “ok. So you got me. Happy? I’m with my friends, so cut the crap, Heather. I am a girl, I do get embarrassed.”
“I’m serious,” he churned his lip and pouted a bit as he raised his eyebrows and rubbed his hand in his neck and let out a muted “ah…” Obviously he was blushing and was trying to hide it. No?
I raised my one eyebrow. Confused. My heart beat rate increased a little. What is this feeling? Would our friendship be in an awkward state if I rejected? Maybe I should accept his proposal. Oh! Yeah, you heard it right, proposal. I did not know what to do. So many thoughts, so many voices and the loud music. Not romantic at all.
“Ah! I know this song!” was what I said. I am sure everyone around me went, “Seriously?”
I turned around to face my friends and gave them that handle-this-please look. See, this is one of the most particular reasons why girls move in groups. So they don’t get caught up in a situation like this or such. They came for my help and one of them cried out to is group, “Girls’ discussion. Privacy please.”
There were a lot of oohs and ahhs. Before they told me what to do, they had already started with the treats, the teasing and the congratulations. Oh, well.
The girls went up to him and said, “Congratulation!” he faced me and said, “oh my god! You are accepting it.” He sounded so relieved and excited. I laughed.
I had a boyfriend. Crazy.
It was crazy but I was happy at the same time. We had lot of questions to ask each other and one of them was, “When and how did you start liking me?”
He was adorable, a perfect sweetheart who would make me smile and the occasional sweet little words he used to say. Hey! I am not head over heels yet, it’s just that I have the tendency to catch everything in details and well enough, that’s
I got busy with my studies again. He was in my mind. He too had other responsibilities of the school to handle. I was preparing for my very first medical mock test. I had to focus, damn! During the day I was confined in my room and so I had some time to talk to him at night. Here is one confession, its not that I had time during the night, its that I “made”, more accurately, “invented” spare time to talk to him, Crazy.
His voice. Aw man, his voice. They could hypnotize you and take you to seventh heaven. His laughter, tell me what would I not give just to hear him laugh. I was insane and he was even moiré insane to even like me.
I could not resist myself from keeping his contact name to his genuine name and not so some crazy nickname (if a man checks a women’s contact, he will seriously be offended.) When he used to call, and the way the phone screen blinked on and off with his name. Nothing could take away that thrill.
“Hey.” Our conversation normally started this way.
“Hi.”
“What are you doing?”
“mh! Nothing, and you?”
“mhh…not much.”
We would remain silent, both thinking what topic to start next on each end of the connection.
“Do you know…” and simultaneously even I would have spoken out something like, “And today…” Again that silent pause, figuring who should be the one to speak first. One of us would continue and the same cycle repeated over again. Sometimes I would fall asleep on the phone and our conversation would end just like that and the next day I would be saying, “I’m so sorry I fell asleep. Actually I…” this was one the best thing about our relation. We would apologize for the simplest things and I do not know about him but this used to make my heart feel warm, loved, affectionate, happy.
I cracked my mock test. I was so proud to let him know about it because I wanted to impress him. I had to.
Was this love?
_______
To: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
From: HeatherDrew14@
Sub: hm?
“We havn’t gt 2 meet 4 some time.”
_______
To: HeatherDrew14@
From: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
Sub: hmm??
“Yeah. Want to spend some quality time? “
“
______
To: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
From: HeatherDrew14@
Sub: uhmm…!?!
“Yeah. Would love to J “
______
To: HeatherDrew14@
From: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
Sub: -_-
“You have grown tall ><”
______
To: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
From: HeatherDrew14@
Sub: confused
“I think I just said “we havnt met 4 some time.”
_______
To: HeatherDrew14@
From: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
Sub: er..?
“So?”
______
To: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
From: HeatherDrew14@
Sub: …!
“How do you know I have become taller?”
______
In truth, I had just scanned my eyes through some of his updated pictured but I felt like playing up with him.
To: HeatherDrew14@
From: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
Sub: SURPRISE
“I can see you”
_____
To: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
From: HeatherDrew14@
Sub: HECK
“What?”
_____
To: HeatherDrew14@
From: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
Sub: SHOCKED?
“I am looking at youJ”
______
To: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
From: HeatherDrew14@
Sub: [no subject]
“O.O”
_____
To: HeatherDrew14@
From: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
Sub: UH-HUH
“look out.”
______
To: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
From: HeatherDrew14@
Sub: -_-
“you gave me a heart attack”
_____
To: HeatherDrew14@
From: CarolineGLAMOUR17@
Sub: haha
“Did i?”
______
I could go and hug him that very moment and tell him how much I loved him. Crazy!
Will this end?
I had got into medical field. Life as a medical student was hectic. Learning this, doing that, I could meet Heather and go out only some time and he too got busy, his programs he had worked on were paying off but we managed to sneak a little from our busy life and make time for each other.
Days passed. Night would go in imaginary thoughts. I was falling for him. Hard! I would give up anything to be with him. I dumped my higher prior things-to-do for him and while I would do nothing, I would pass the time thinking about him. It was easy to drift away. So easy. The “organized” me had lost its track. I had changed. I had started to believe. It was like I was blind-folded. He was the sun in my eye. I was so lost that I had forgotten the most important thing, someday it will end.
It happened. That “someday” arrived. It came with no invitation, it came with no hesitation, it just came in, like it owned the whole thing.
He had landed a chance in one of the software companies. He had got an internship and so he had to travel, travel far. It was not that far. It was within this round earth only. Somewhere, a bit far from me. Maybe on the other side of the globe but none of this was going to change anything, was it?
His flight was in the morning. He had to leave before 7 in the morning. I was emotional and I could cry and tell him not to go. Ask him if there was no other choice, a better one? I wanted to tie him and handcuff him and say, “You are not going anywhere, Mister.” But those were all in my head. We were still talking through mails, as we both were very busy and by talking through mails we could talk to each other plus we could do our own work.
That day I had woken up super fast. That was unlike me. I called him up on his phone to wake him up too. I was waiting for him to e-mail me, I was waiting for him. I could imagine in what haste he must be right now and had decided its better to chat through mails. My waiting was rewarded. He did come online and he apologized for being late. Oh! I love him. Finally we bade goodbye and I sent him off with a lot of smiley J though my condition was actually L but I could not tell him, could I? Thank the Lord for internet, the person at the other end of the computer will not be able to see the person at this side of the end. Is it a bane or a boon?
My day went like this—he must have reached there—he might be having lunch right now— he is taking his nap— he reached here—he is there—and so on so forth.
Later on, that day, I was given the privilege to help in the Operation Room in the hospital. It was so thrilling. I was still confused as in what field of medical should I be more interested in. I got busy.
My phone battery had died and I had not noticed it. When I did, I kept it on charge and as it got charged and turned my phone, I received a text, there was a missed-call alert too.
The text was from heather. He had changed his number though since he was in a complete different country and area but I figured out it was him because at the end, he had addressed himself.
The text read—
I’m so sorry but I think
its over between us—Heather.”
Those two lines. Just two lines. Was our relationship so thin? Those two lines, as I read it, a cold shiver ran down from my head to toe. All the hair in my body was standing. I stared at it. I could not make out and read it again and again. Everything around me felt silent. My heart beat in a rhythm loud enough to be heard by my ears but the rhythm was unsettling. I was frozen. Completely. My heart-beat rate neither increased nor did it slow down. It just became loud enough to be heard physically. I was numb. My heart was numb. My fingers danced above my phone screen. I inhaled a huge amount of air and exhaled the same volume of air. I was left with nothing. Time continued to tick ahead. Seconds became minutes and minutes passed without my notice.
I hit the “reply” button. What was I a supposed to reply? I was clueless. I wanted to say a lot of things and I wanted to ask a lot of questions. Nothing made sense. I replied—“okayJJJJ” People are so gullible. How can they possibly think I am smiling just because I put a smiley and a smile on my face? It was over.
It was over. All we had was in the past. They were memories. Memories which made my life to what I am now. The best ones, he had given those to me, and it made me cry time and again. He had become my everything and now I was left with nothing. Maybe I was a chapter in his life but he was the author of my life. He was my creator. He was my book. And all of this was over in less than a minute, in two lines, over a text. Should I laugh or should I cry? Because I have no clue what to do. Was everything to be forgotten? Was I to replay those moments only in my mind? Is it legal to forget something that was once so dear and loved. Can we even forget?
Funny, he always said I would be the one to leave.
Days passed. Night would go sleepless with swollen eyes. With each passing day my heart felt less of a heart which had emotions but it became more a tool to simply pump out blood. The pain grew, it could not be seen nor measured but only felt. It felt more of a stone. Even stone would be better. I was not living anymore, only surviving.
~~~~~~
Maybe everything would have changed if I had wrote my actual feelings instead of “okayJJJJ” Did he feel the same? Did he even care? If I had known that I had the choice to resist, I could have done it but I was so clueless. I had no one. But now, none of it mattered. What mattered was what was to happen next.
~~~~~~
“ohh…My…God..!!” I screamed, “You are kidding me!”
“Nope, I am not. You want it or not?”
“Heck, I want it, man!” and I snatched the papers off his hand and ran down the lobby with the biggest smile on my face.
I am a 27 year old lady. I am still working as a resident and I am a cardiologist who will give up anything for the best heart-affected surgery. I just love hearts. They mesmerize me.
I was just offered a surgery for a heart-tumor patient few minutes back. I am so happy. Its nearly an 8 hour surgery. I am so thrilled. This is the best birthday gift ever. Oh ya! Today is my birthday.
I am studying the reports I snatched earlier. Suddenly, I get the sensation that I am being watched. I raise my head and I see a man looking at me. I raise my one eyebrow clearly indicating the question, “Problem?” he continues to look at me. I ignore.
Okay! I can’t take it anymore. I put my report down and my other files on the table and walk up to that man, “excuse me! Do you have anything of concern? Is anything bothering you?
He smiles.
Bryan, my colleague, joins me and looks at the man and then at me.
“So…?” Bryan breaks the silence.
“Bryan, I think this man has some disorder. Check on him. He has been blankly staring and smiling. I feel like giving him a punch on his face.”
The man hears my comment and arches his eyebrow. Frankly, I don’t care.
“Sir?” Bryan says.
The man gives me that “you-don’t-remember-me?” look. I still don’t care. “Do I know you?” I ask with a tone of impatient.
He does not reply and extends his hand in front to Bryan, “I’m heather. Heather Drew. Sorry for the trouble. I’m here for….” He is babbling away. Who the heck is this man? God! I turn my back and walk away after telling him, “Good day, sir! Nice meeting you.”
~~~~
“Sorry, Sir. Actually, you may have known her before but I am so sorry to tell you that she may not be able to remember you.”
“Why so? Dr. Bryan.”
“I have not been with her lifelong but once I sneaked into her reports when I found one. It seems that she met with an accident quite a long time ago. She lost many parts of her memory. Her best ones too, I guess. Poor her. She survived with a long fight. She is a strong girl. Rumours say she had no will to live but it’s a miracle how she survived. She is a great doctor.”
Heather’s face losses its smile and he looks down.
~~~~
I meet this man again at the gate of our hospital.
He is disturbing me but fate wants us to meet us again.
“Sorry, sir. Do I know you?” I ask with a polite tone and a great smile.
He shakes his head and shakes my hand and replies, “I wish!”
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